Between the two of you

I hold my hand out to you,
Waiting for you to take my hand.
We go to your bedroom and lie down in bed
Not taking off our clothes.
We lie there in each other's arms,
Listening to the soft sound of the fan.
Is this what you wanted?
How can I ever be sure
When you find it hard to tell me the truth?
I look deep into your green eyes,
Look at your smile.
I kiss your lips,
Cherishing this sweet moment.
It's times like these when I believe we have a chance,
But then we have another fight
And I feel us on the edge again.
And then the other one is always there,
In my heart and mind.
The one I've loved all my life but could never be with until last year.
Now I'm haunted by this choice I must make.
I love you so much,
And I promised my life to you,
But how can I,
With a clear conscience,
Marry you and have a life with you,
When half of my heart belongs to this other person?
I'm so haunted,
So confused,
So taunted by the fact I'll hurt one of you,
I swear it's tearing me apart.
And you just lay there,
Holding me.
Unaware of this inner battle with me,
Knowing I could destroy our future
With just a few little words,
You lie here with me in this moment
Just loving me.
How could I tell you the truth?
How could I hurt you like that?
How could I hurt myself like this?
The decision should be simple,
But when the heart is involved,
Nothing is simple.
I think back to how his brown eyes melted into mine,
How his hands softly caressed my face,
And know we'd be happy together.
But at the same time,
I know he can't be you.
He can't be cute with me,
He doesn't have a use for my back massages,
He doesn't like cats,
He can't make fun of me like you do,
He can't rock me like you do.
But he can love me in a way you can't.
And that scares me.
I love you both so much,
But where do I go from here?