Irreversible

Lu,*

I read this poem when you first posted it (as usual, I'm just a slacker with commenting) and I found this one of yours to be simplistic in tone especially in the way it addressed the concept. It was almost as though you had accepted this is life, you grow old and with time we fade. I liked that this poem didn't show fear but rather makes the reader feel at ease with the process. Too many people fear something that is irrerversible, as you say in the title.

The fact you compared a butterfly in a glass bottle to life was interesting, of course this is a tragic concept and however the tone was still the most powerful feature here and to me the idea of fear was eased. You presented sad imagery while doing this which I think is remarkably hard to do so job well done here.

A little suggestion if I may. In the second stanza you mention breath twice, it was strong in both lines/ideas but after you repeated "broken wings" in the first stanza then again the second stanza I felt the ideas were too repeated, that's why I personally would of changed one or the other and used two breaths and one broken wings or two broken wings and one breath, if you get me. Something like this comes down to personal opinion though, and I do see why you were repeating these images, to relate what time does to the butterfly and how it too will do the same to you.

This poem was a shorter one from you but as enjoyable as ever. Well done.

-Mel

I like how rather than you talked of getting old, you measured your time by your breath, which is definitely very true. You could be gone today, tomorrow, or forty years from now... something we will never know. I really thought it was interesting the way you put that.

The butterfly in a glass bottle just broke my heart. The whole piece, where I first read it with hope, now reads with such sorrow and sadness. Hourglasses and trapped beings never make me feel hopeful, so it definitely has aspects of both depending on the mood when read. Oh the imagery :)

Seems as though we all get consumed with "time" beating down our door and we feel so suffocated that there are never enough hours in the day to complete anything. To compare the beautiful butterfly to being stuck in a bottle is extremely symbolic to our lives in general, when we are young we are perceived as beautiful, as we grow older the hands of time caress our face and leave their marks with wrinkles. But one thing for sure is we have gained more knowledge. All we can hope is that our breaths of yesterday affect someone else tommorow in a postive way. Your poem drew me in because it relates so easily to things we kind of feel on a day to day basis, Especially when we grow a little older. I, don't know about you, think about death, and will I have made a difference. Beautiful poem and thank you for taking on the challenge and writing such a breathtaking piece. Your talent is immeasurable.