Thats great, and the title is amazing:) 5/5

Thats great, and the title is amazing:) 5/5

We allowed for our wishes to soar
like flying a kite, just without cord;
wanted to grab them later on,
but grasped at nothing.

^I like the opening here, it seems to me that you are refering to letting your wishes take a back seat and allowing them to pass and then when you want them later in life they don't come true for you

I still wonder why we have fallen silent
and whether there even is something
to hold on to.

^This is a really gentle question, "I still wonder", just a suggestion to change it to "whether there is even something to hold onto"

Our sky is overclouded;
the horizon is barely more than a stripe
in the vast, desolate landscape
rather than a sight line; nothing apart from that.

^This was a really sad image you portrayed here, and I love the way you say "the sky is overclouded"

An icy wind blows around your smile,
causing for me to freeze and I try
to heat my hands on our conversations.

^The conversations are warm but the feelings are cold, I love the way this flowed so freely

Yet I feel smaller than my reflection
because you took the wind out of my sails
and my home is no longer my harbour

^Great imagery and metaphors, so many times to we feel inadequate to the person we see staring back at us,

Love this much Jenni, a really sad love poem with so much meaning and thought in it

love
Tara
xxx

Hey Jenni,

This poem is awesome.

Firstly the title itself is great. The idea that a kite is falling is sad. Kites to me are free and beautiful. I think of them and I relax. The idea that the kite was falling made it sad and gave me an insight to what I thought the poem would be about

We allowed for our wishes to soar
like flying a kite, just without cord;
wanted to grab them later on,
but grasped at nothing
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I love the image of your wishes being able to soar. Like a flying kite without a cord. When I first took in that line it made me think of a relationship that is not being tied down with anything. A free relationship that is not being controlled by anyone - then you said that there was nothing to grasp onto made me feel sad. As if the relationship was not on steady ground.

I still wonder why we have fallen silent
and whether there is even something
to hold onto
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This makes me think that there are doubts in the relationship. I feel you question the relationship and wonder if it is worth holding onto

Our sky is overclouded;
the horizon is barely more than a stripe
in the vast, desolate landscape
rather than a sight line; nothing apart from that
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
To say that your sky is overclouded. It makes me think of things that are in your way. Like when a plane goes flies through the cloud they cannot see ahead. There are obstacles.

Yet I feel smaller than my reflection
because you took the wind out of my sails
and my home is no longer my harbour.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
A very sad ending to the poem. To feel that you are smaller than you really are. Not in a physical way but more emotionally. Heartbreaking.

An awesome write hun I loved this poem!!!

x

This is a WINNING poem in my eyes.

I like the inspiration of the kites, and oh my god... you twisted the idea 360 degrees, and made a beautiful poem, so warm though of the coldness and so vivid.

'warming hands' when in conversation? that surely makes friction while reading!!!!!!!! AWESOME.

the end and the beginning are atomic bombs.

Amazing Jenni... I have a dropping jaw now.

Well, guys up there left me nothing to say
It's amazing and mostly how you ended it, really wow !

Jenni, it is awesome!As Abed said It is a winner!

Woops! Well, it's just Life.. But recall, Every finished Line, is d Begining of a new race, according to Young Money*Lil' Wayne*... So, Smile up 2day; 4 tomorrow is a Mystery!*Kungfu Legend, tells u, and I can't agree less!* Good dictionary eloquence to heal the suspense. Well, I give u a sound 5! for this.. Cheer up!

Jenni you're just amazing.
My favorite stanza
"An icy wind blows around your smile,
causing for me to freeze and I try
to heat my hands on our conversations."

creative and holds a beauty all it's own.
Excellent sis

Hi you hit a emotion and tears are floating on my cheeks, nice work but hard to read without emotions
br
ole

I feel smaller than my reflection -diminished,insignificant ? A cold smile ..........is the love gone ?perhaps it was not strong enough .........

I really like this poem, emotionally written and a collective use of phrases to stitch this poem, great job =)

Yeah it is good all of your poems so far seem to be about love of some description. your wording is good and your structure. the feeling is there but to be honest there is a sense of monotony or a vagueness. repetitive love becomes obnoxious. however i have only read three of your poems so far. looking forward to reading your other work.

I like the way you described life and love with the kite as a metaphor--

We allowed for our wishes to soar
like flying a kite, just without cord;
wanted to grab them later on,
but grasped at nothing.

The first stanza is very meaningful and I can picture out the scene or the imagery you're trying to convey. It's like--the persona's dream with her love one soaring in the sky..they aim high that someday they will catch it but unfortunately it fly against the wind and subside into the ground.

I still wonder why we have fallen silent
and whether there is even something
to hold onto.

Very emotional part--yeah, like a kite there's instances that we take down by the wind and no one catch us when we fall down...

Our sky is overclouded;
the horizon is barely more than a stripe
in the vast, desolate landscape
rather than a sight line; nothing apart from that.

This part portrays to my mind about the life's burden or we say the challenges in our love life...
"Our sky is overclouded"--the more your love/life stay longer the more things were complicated. I like the brilliant imagery.

Yet I feel smaller than my reflection
because you took the wind out of my sails
and my home is no longer my harbour.

Nice ending. I enjoy reading the whole piece. Really amazing and written in subtle way:)
5/5-C