Uhmm.. Interesting piece.
It kept me reading and I was in search for that thing that the author was referring, I like it that the author didn't quietly state it in the poem or atleast I couldn't find it. But for some reason Im thinking the author refers to love.. May be.. I can't think of anything else.
This sounds like a riddle or rather the thoughts of te author.. Like she loves me then no she doesn't then she loves but she doesn't.. Kind of like that.. I think he is not sure if he can still be him after not feeling love anymore..

Or on second thoughts, it could be about ambitions or motivations... The lack of having them..

I guess it will depend on how one reads it.

Everlasting,when I wrote this piece,thoughts of any girl or love were far away from my mind.When i wrote this,I was seriously doubting my ability to write. You are quite discerning though.

My last guess was inspiration about writing but I wasn't sure..

Sokay.you are smart.