Comments : A World without you

  • 12 years ago

    by Blaire

    Guys, plz tell me how it is....im up for constructive criticism...

  • 12 years ago

    by yogi73

    First, think this is a good poem that really portrays your emotions or sadness and refusal to give up on love.

    I don't like the stylistic use of 'n' and 'cuz' I think it detracts from the poem.
    Mainly, I'd just clean it up a bit...hopefull this doens't detract too much from the meaning and feeling of your poem

    I know there is not an ending, in which we are together,
    I know for us, there is no forever,
    But just for a while, for just a day,
    Let me pretend, you're not that far away.
    I don't know why our paths met, then diverged
    Every moment with you, is a moment
    experienced only by the lucky few.
    Life decided otherwise, but in my heart what lies,
    is true.
    I will fight till I have nothing left.
    I close my eyes to open up a world,
    Where its just you and I
    A world, where there are no good-byes.
    I loved you more than I knew how.
    Its good that I have the pain,
    for the love, your love, would make me insane.

    thanks,
    z

  • 12 years ago

    by Blaire

    Thx a bunch!!! really helped! :)