My thoughts are constantly ransacking my brain.
I think, I may be going insane.
The innocence and hypocrisy of my destiny leaves me restless.
Maybe this is the reason why I don't deserve happiness.
How hard is to find someone who will love me for who I am?
Must I bend myself backwards in order to be accepted?
Must I bend until I twist and distort?
Will that be the only way I may be seen as worthy?
A wish to gain the heart of those that in my eyes are as valuable and intricate as a piece of art.
Yet, as much as I want to find that one person who sees my faults and still accepts them,
I keep pushing away.
I keep saying the wrong things.
How do I stop the thoughts that are engrained in my mind?
I laugh it off and try not to care,
Time is ticking and here I sit.
Contemplating the many reasons why
I'm not good enough for this game of love.
I feel that I am missing out on something that everyone is doing.
I feel the constant need to reassure myself
That I don't need the warmth I've never had.
Yet I feel cold, so very cold, and alone.
I tried to kiss you and make myself believe you are special as nothing in particular.
Your smart words are the only ones that keep me running.
To me there is always intention from every unspoken motive.
The sky and stars that coat this so-called earth seem fake.
With every thought, I come to the same conclusion,
That I should be following something that everyone seems to follow.
Yet to me it makes no sense.
The delicate contortions of the lies I tell are all for effect.
Nothing is made and I am only left with this yearning and confusion
The need to do what everyone else seems to do without question nor hesitation.
If you ask me, I think it's the simple-minded conclusion of bullshit.
