Sedoka... It caught my attention, I never heard that name before and you can write really good. I bet you can write any type of form poetry. Well done. I love the title the most mirrored tears.

Oh TJ how awesome is this. I've never seen that form of poetry before I am so glad I am getting to know all kinds now!!!

I assume that this is Japanese form like the Haiku? Awesome!

I love the first stanza - such a sad stanza.

I read it as though you are saying that she is broken herself emotionally just like the glass. That they are mirrored between them. So sad

The second stanza showed me that she used to be happy then the dark clouds roll in (something bad in her life) and that's how it became gloomy - she was then able to release her tears because she needed to.

I love your poems TJ, they're awesome!!!

x

TJ, you're creative. Like you said.. they can be different poems.

I like each one equally because they have equally creative aspects. Nicely done:)

I visualised a girl, a profile of her face, with tears falling down one cheek, and the other cheek bearing tears also, falling in perfect mirrored sync.

"Clouds moved in"

Have you ever watched a documentary on storm chasers? They often fastforward a video of the sky, and reveal the change that occurs in atmosphere and weather... it's beautiful but also quite eery, the way the clouds zoom into the scene, the colours rolling into the sky... Well, this line "Clouds moved in" was like an introduction to dark events. It's powerful.

Really well done

Ohhhhhh this formed gem is priceless....love the sedoka form....clouds and tears and loneliness....sighs.....really an emotional piece in a small package....well done ~

Wowww, this is unbelievable! What a poem! I like this..
Good job bro!

Bowing to my King ad clapping;BRAVO!

I really love love love this poem:)
Its the 1st time for me to hear and read Sedoka:)
I'm gonna try that oneday:)

Wow great poem I loved it but such deepness and sadness flowed,,a greatly written poem and great vocab choice,,,u just do an outstanding job each time the pen hits the paper and ur writing just bloom,,,it was amazing and I loved it great job 5/5

From her sad eyes flow
Crystal tears on broken glass
Mirrored by their loneliness

^^ this is actually my favorite but the entire thing was a masterpiece

I applaud you for attempting a rather difficult form.

On the plus side, you got the syllable counts right and both katauta (3-line stanzas) address the same subject from a different perspective.

On the minus side, "bloomed" and "gloom" are near perfect rhymes, and rhyming is not permitted in most Japanese forms.

Also, I think you use the word "mirrored" too many times. The poem should describe the title, not repeat it, or at least not repeat it more than once.

Sad poem, TJ...I like the image of the tears on broken glass, because it emphasizes the fact that the past cannot be undone.

For some the tears break down their spirit and eventually they die from the hardships of life, in whatever form...only the strong know how to survive and accept both the good and the bad things that come with being here.

One minor detail: "sad"eyes, didn't really do it for me, could you think of a more poetic way to describe her facial expression?

Well done,

5/5 Ingrid

Wow, absolutely beautiful. One of my favorites of yours. 5/5 Wonderful language.

mandy :)

I've never read a Sedoka but Im glad this one was the first one. Very interesting! And I loved the topic. I think you did a great job with this write, it made sense and like you said the stanza would of made sense even standing alone. Tough to do. Well done!
Chelsey

I love trying formed poerty its really tests your talant i thought you did very well with this ... keep writing bro

One thing you have a rhyme in there where most japenese poerty dont rhyme ... Altho it doesnt take anything away from this piece

i also think using the word mirrored in both was a nice add it really bring the poem and the tittle together :-)

This brought to mind an image of a girl crying, her tears splashing off a mirror and her seeing the sadness and unhappiness in them. Well done.

You have always been good with forms dear brother. Thus, this one does not come as a surprise.

It is a bit hard to interpret with precision. But it seems as though the crystal tears are reflecting the same loneliness that the broken glass pieces, are going through when shattered and dispersed. And when happiness shined like the sun, the clouds blocked, thus gloomed. To let the tears fall once again.

Very well written.

I don't know why but I can only see a small little helpless girl crying..at an age where she is supposed to laugh and play, she is burdened with pain and grief..touching write.

A very thoughtful poem, crisp and transparent imagery. Your poems are very motivational, i admire your choice of words. Sad moments can't be escaped in as much as the precaution taken.. Fate can't be avoided, you literally made the reader feel the agony of the subject through your words. Very CREATIVE! Be blessed.

A very thoughtful poem, crisp and transparent imagery. Your poems are very motivational, i admire your choice of words. Sad moments can't be escaped in as much as the precaution taken.. Fate can't be avoided, you literally made the reader feel the agony of the subject through your words. Very CREATIVE! Be blessed.

How touching and sad ... you have written them so beautifully.
/Crystal tears on broken glass
Mirrored by their loneliness

// I loved the imagery of crystal tears and broken glass.