After everything we have been through,
after everything you have done for me,
I thought that lying to you about something to protect you was a good idea,
turns out it's the worst idea I ever had,
and I'm sorry that I've done it,
my lies continue to build up,
partly because every time you ask me something,
it's like you're asking me for another lie,
and partly because I can't bring myself to tell you the truth,
even though I know that you already know the answer deep down inside,
and I did make a promise to someone,
but the reasons behind that promise now seem void,
I don't want to hurt you more then I already have,
and I know this will hurt you,
because it's the worst thing I could of done,
when we spoke before I explained that I was numb,
and needed to feel something,
so that is what I did,
that was not a lie,
you said you understood why I had done it,
but this I don't think you can understand,
no matter how I explain it,
it is inexcusable and unforgivable,
you never thought I could be capable of it,
and I never thought I would be either,
it shows I don't deserve you,
and I don't deserve to be with you,
and not being with you is exactly what my actions have coursed,
it is my punishment,
because you will never look at me the same again,
I don't look at myself the same,
so I don't blame you for it,
this doesn't mean you don't know me anymore,
it just means you didn't want to think I could do the worst,
you didn't want to think it because you loved me,
I hate that I have deceived you,
part of me had to believe it was for your own good,
but I fear that my lies have made it worse,
all I can say now is I'm sorry.
