I Cry In Thoughts

I wonder how people gave this such a low rating.... are they numb?
This is so sad and your sad story brought tears to my eyes.... Its upsetting to read and you brought the entire story through your descriptions.... Fantastically fantastic!!

Walking barefoot on the road,
my once lively suburb is in isolation.
I see a weary child crawling amidst
a horrible catastrophe.
Seeing his mum in her own pool,
he wails emotively in her sudden departure.

^^
This image is both beautiful and dreadful - beautiful writing of a dreadful incident.
I like the fact that you avoided using the word 'blood' in the second from last line - instead of making it seem like it lacked emotion or clarity, it in fact gave the piece maturity. Your use of words in this verse are simple, yet effective and I like how you avoided terribly gruesome words, especially when the content already suggests and describes such painful events. A great opening verse.

The shots sound like nothing heard before,
It was banging in my head, echoing.
Buildings are wrecked from inferno.
Trapped in there, wailings fill my ears,
some jump down the building;
to seek for safety, while the rest get cremated.

^^
Without reading on, I feel like you are writing each verse from the perspective of each sense. In verse one, you used sight to see the situation, but in this verse, you have used sound/hearing.
Your attention to detail is just amazing, and the emotion that the words evoke are perfect for the content.

Young sect recruits fill the streets,
going house to house on a killing spree,
with grenades that's a sight to behold,
throwing them as they match along.
I can see the cruelty in their
eyes as they callously carry on.

^^
In the fourth line, is 'match' meant to be 'march' ??
Ok, so my previous theory of the senses has been thwarted, but no matter.
This kind of gives a glimpse of the psychological state of those involved - it's like the children were possessed or something. It's never good to see someone so innocent turned so ugly with hatred, it really makes the reader think of what was inflicted upon them for them to feel this way, in order to kill innocent people... it must have been absolutely horrible, for what they are now doing is horrible.

Women turned into widows in their prime.
Children are orphans of tomorrow.
Sobbing profusely; for they're
deprived of eternal bliss in their once
peace rained commune.
Tears kept pouring down my eyes.

^^
I like how you added your own emotions here - let's the reader know they are not alone in their sorrow (or perhaps even anger).
It's sad to see any person widowed or child orphaned - and in this situation, there would be numerous cases.
The lives that are taken are usually not only the ones that are destroyed - there are always that are left behind...

Shots firing in the air between
the armies and the factions.
Left all crying for the countless bodies,
and others that are rendered destitute,
which dooms them to poverty In such a calamity;
that ends hope in optimistic spirits.

^^
In the second to last line: should the 'In' have a capital, or should there have been a fullstop/period prior to this ??
Your word choice is amazing here.
I love the last line: speaks such truth.

Walking without no destination.
Crying in thoughts for a tragedy that has befallen us,
In the land of peace and unity.
Now in ruins, as I cry they're laid to rest.

^^
Such a sorrowful ending! I didn't think that it was possible for the piece could become even more upsetting, but I was indeed proven wrong.
A perfect ending to the piece.
_______________________________
OVERALL;
WOW!
I love the message you imply with this piece.
I love the emotion that your words evoke; such powerful emotions.
The piece had such a maturity, and not only because of the content, but also your word choice or avoidance of particular words. I loved that. Most would write this as gruesomely as possible in order to portray the same message, but as you have shown, such is completely unnecessary.

Well penned. 5/5

Thanks for the comment, i'm grateful. Such turn out of events are so terrible beyond ones imagination.

Wooow!! This is just so sad. Your choice of words was perfect and it flowed with an ease. And the emotions behind thispoem are very strong, it really shows the amount of sadness you must have felt.

Great job.