Timothy-

I love your title for starters.... very unique...
Your word usage is really fun... You have a very creative way of sucking the reader in... each stanza captivated me... the ending stanza..

"Yards ahead the air grew anorexic,
as I tried to quake the word of old,
but no justice was equal to a stride
at the ever-blinding
turn of the tide. "

^^^^^ awesome!!!

well done~

Stunnig piece Timothy. You have a very unique style. Much enjoyed.

Timothy, I have read this for like five times, and in each I change my mind towards what you really mean.

I think the main subject is revolving around 'old people', and I can infer that from those images:

Fathering a goat herder,
Mothering its father,
....
bald sport
shaking hips...
....

I'd really like to know what's this about because your style is so darn unique, and each verse is very deep. I'm really illiterate :) haha

I can get the feeling that it's kind of like the Tell-Tale Heart? or isn't it?

Are you trying to kill an old man? or are you trying to belittle him?

I love this verse:

mocking my grapefruit thoughts.

^ As if the old man is mocking your youth, love how you described your thoughts with 'grapefruit' to represent the youth and freshness.

I cannot really diffuse into the real meaning, and this is the cause I like your poetry. You say much, but I grasp a little.

Timothy, way to go and congrats for the win!:)

I suspect you were high when you wrote this. Frankly, sober, and on the third read, it makes no sense. But there's a fluidity to it that makes it a compelling read. Sober or otherwise, good poetry should be engaging and colourful, and this is exactly that.

I'd love you to explain "So, I painted the barracks myself." as it's frankly the bit that suggests an altered state of mind, because I can't for the life of me gauge the context.

A lovely read, though. I'll be coming back to this one in an altered state, that's for sure.