The Blaze within

This piece makes me think of the state of our world in this time, and the peace and quietness that can still be found. The watery spring? It is not a place of peace, but a source for peace it seems. Well done. Brings to mind some thought processes the Bible envokes.

This piece makes me think of the state of our world in this time, and the peace and quietness that can still be found. The watery spring? It is not a place of peace, but a source for peace it seems. Well done. Brings to mind some thought processes the Bible envokes.

It's a story repeated many times over in this world. people wait for their perfect match (love)only to discover that person's never coming. Or it got snatched up by someone else years ago.
No matter who you end up with, you will have to work hard at creating a relationship...an Oasis.Thirst has many forms and an Eternal Spring that can quench it forever simply does not exist. Knowing all of this and more,our entire life we keep wandering in search of it.

A happily ever after?It's only a myth.

You have beautifully portrayed the feelings of yearning,confusion and passion.Loved it.

I've taken your suggestion on the commas, so thanks for that. I'm just too used to writing essays and research papers so I've grown a bit too accustomed to writing with commas.

The reason I capatalized "Spring", is to illustrate that it is both a reference to the poems topic, ie a man walking in what seems like a desert, looking for that spring. But also because "Spring" in this case refers to his love, and the one he's searching for. And because of that I decided to capatalize it. Authors such as William Blake (in The Lamb among others) have done the same, to illustrate that its meaning is more than just a word.

The reason I capatlized Mind and Heart is because they're supposed to be stressed while reading it. Could write it with * marks as well, but I feel as if that'd be a worse way to do it.

I must retain the "And constantly present" because changing it to "yet constantly present" would be grammatically incorrect, well, not grammatically, but it would be a logical controdiction. Since by description it is immovable and unstoppable, so obviously it is also constantly present, immovable and unstoppable supports that, so saying "yet" would defy that logic.

When it comes to
"Though I am uncertain if
it is real or if
it's just a hallucination"

that part, it isn't really redundant, since that's one of the most important aspects of the point I was trying to get across. Not only does it refer to (once again) a desert, but also to the fact that the person is unsure if he really wants to reach the Spring, if by some chance, he won't be happy when he gets there, because he realizes it wasn't a spring to begin with. Ie, he doesn't really love her.

And finally, the last stanza is a bit longer and bit "clunkier" to illustrate that the writer is getting more and more passionate, and so when reading it you should raise your voice and really start to use longer sentences etc. That's why I repeated "But how come
How come my heart..."
To illustrate that the person is as I said, getting more passionate.

The part where I write that the person's intellect tells him otherwise is essensial, since he believes he doens't deserve anything as great as a Spring. And the seperation of "mind" and "intellect" is also essensial, since it describes how they are seperate, and though his intellect tells him it won't work, his entire being (mind and heart) still years for it, and he still strives and reaches for it. And that's also why I used the three synonyms, "Strives, Reaches, and Yearns", to show passion and illustrate how it's supposed to be read.

I really enjoyed this poem, right up until the third stanza, where it became "heavy" and overly wordy. I also don't understand why you are capitalizing words like "Spring" and "Heart" and "Mind". You also have to decide whether you want to punctuate this or not. You can't punctuate only half of it. Since it is such a short poem, I would let the line breaks show the pauses and not use commas.

Let's start with the second stanza:
I would delete the last line, since it is redundant.

In the third stanza, I would delete most of it.
It seems overly wordy and cumbersome.
Sometimes using less words is a lot more powerful.

Here is my edited version. Feel free to use any or all of these suggestions:

The fire is everywhere
burning and blazing
in agonizing flames.
It is an inferno
unstoppable
immovable
yet constantly present.

But just out of reach--
a spring of alluring water.
I see reflections of the
burning world in it
reminding me
of what I have
to pass through
in order to reach it.

But this blessed spring
is too beautiful
too unreal
though my heart
so yearns for it.
For it is the only thing
that will quench the
fires within.