Yakori, I think the length is drawing people away, when I first looked at this piece my thoughts were, I'll come back to it because of it's length.

I don't know how to suggest you shorten it for I wouldn't want to take away the content which is well done in all honesty, and pretty powerful images are displayed, I loved the ending which was just so strong, and really emoted some strong thoughts...

Hmmm, I'm not sure.
But I think it's a good piece
certainly
x

Thanks dear for your constructive comment. Been wondering how to shorten the length, but ideas fail me. Most of the lines give an in depth perception to comprehend the message in the piece. Will see to it all the same. Thanks, your comment is helpful. Blessings. :)

I somehow agree with Tara.

Yakori, you have a unique style, and I see you have props from what I'm reading from you. Your language is so deep, so dense.
I liked the detailed description, but I didn't know what is this about :P haha, I don't know really..... a broken limb? I couldn't really fathom. so shoot me a pm please , I'm interested in knowing what I missed.

Other than that, I like how you describe every detail. It's hard to do that, but you can awesomely combine colors, sounds, shapes....

Thanks for the comment, blessings to you. :)

Yakori thank for your comment and opinion. i don't know how long it took you to write soiled treasure or how much editing you done. at first glance and read i thought your poem was too long. the word used were descriptive and honest which came from your heart. i will dare to offer you a fools advice i edit and adit my poems and after about 4to 5 weeks i of writing the poem i put it away for a while and then i come back to the poem and see is there anything else i neet to correct or change. the less words the better your poetry but the words have to be wright for your poem keep writing your talent will blossom in time.

Berry sister, you came by, my gratitude is full to the brim. Thanks for the comments. God bless you, much love dear, Jazakallah. :)

I believe that the best stories told are through poems, because they give you that extra song and thrill you need to be able to live it. I love the tittle, it's what caught my eye, and you used it in a very different way than I imagined, which intrigued me to read furthermore. I also think I understand what you mean by the tittle, that sometimes truth is a "treasure", but when it's something you'd rather not know it is "soiled".

I like how you progress in your story, it makes the mind work thinking of what will happen next, and it's very real how you described things... I hope this was just your imagination though and not a real experience, because it is disturbing to find yourself in such a position.

You should write a part 2, I'm still curious about it.

Thanks for the comment, such overwhelming words. It's not a personal experience, but a tribute to those that have gone through such inhumane act. To accept, forgive and have hope to move on. Haven't thought of a sequel, but will think of that incase ideas come through. Thank you, blessings. :) ..