Comments : Gentle

  • 12 years ago

    by Melpomene

    MaryAnne,*

    "yet we feel as if anywhere we are
    this is where we belong."

    ^I felt something here wasn't quite right. The way it wasn't written didn't seem to register in my mind. I felt the poem would have read better if you wrote "yet we feel as if anywhere we are will be where we belong" or "yet we feel as if anywhere we are, is where we belong" perhaps just removing the "this" would be a minor adjustment that works a little better.

    (and never know goodbye).

    ^ here I felt "knowing" would of read better.

    "the gentle world
    sighs at our backs...."

    ^ This was stunning, perhaps the part that grasped me most. I loved the personification of the world, you have it human characteristics by making it "sigh" and the word sigh creates such soft ideas, even the way it sounds. It words beautifully in this context.

    I was fond of the imagery throughout this poem, it was very earthy and natural which is elegant in a love poem. You created the idea of two people becoming one, not only with each other but with the world around them, very much at ease. Another beautiful poem by you, well done.

    -Mel

  • 12 years ago

    by Blissful

    I really love this! I agree with Mel, the imagery was stunning and really made the poem shine. The opening stanza was great because it captured my interest and made me curious as to what else the poem would hold.

    "watching waves learn how to say hello
    (and never know goodbye)"
    ^Amazing! I can't even describe how wonderful this was...

    "Like the love the sun gives to the ocean-"
    ^I feel that a comma after love would make this line flow smoother.

    This was a lovely piece MaryAnne! I really enjoyed reading it :)