Birthday

It's my birthday today
so happy- "hooray!"
presents and cake
"happy birthday" they say

usually I feel
hopeful for the next year
so many possibilities!
the future is so near

this year, however
I feel strangely glum
the future seems dark
of opportunities, 0's the sum

for the next year
I already know the plan
therapy and medications
and skin checks I wish to ban

in just under a year
it will be the "anniversary"
of when my life crashed
the date seems unnecessary

by the time I'm 14
it should all be "over"
ha! there's as much chance of that
as finding a four-leaf clover

so you can see
why I'm finding it hard
to celebrate my birthday
to smile at a card

I'll survive this day
like the next one after that
wait for it all to end
while it simmers in it's vat

3/17/11