Human Nature.

by ---AL---   Feb 21, 2012


A petal danced upon the wind,
Timely floating from our sin,
In seconds gone this simple flower,
That now awaits another hour,
Floating, flying, and soaring high,
Marked within this very sky,
Shedding color upon its death,
Taking well by nature's breath,
And in its past there lay a stem,
With petals shining like a gem,
Born from roots of innocence,
And stemming from them ever since,
Growing high with all its glory,
Sprouting to this very story,
Of seeded tine, to sprouted root,
Brought to death by crushing boot,
For careless is a human's path,
To always walk in their own wrath,
Needing, wanting, killing, taking,
For this flower needed breaking,
So pluck its beauty from a seed,
There is no cost to human greed,
When they're blinded and cannot see
The graves that fill the cemetery
Where once lay this flower grown,
To show that humans killed their own,
And as it is, in every war,
A flower's petal seems to soar...

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by Dee

    I loved this poem! I like how it begins simple and changes tones to more of a darker piece, but ends on a light note. Great work!

  • 12 years ago

    by Lu

    Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions. The 2 beginning lines definitely caught my attention and made me want to read more. I knew instantly when I began to read this write that you definitely had talent and knowledge of the craft so I thought for sure it was intentional. And it worked very well in grabbing the reader's attention !!!

    I had to come back again today and read this piece. And I hope to see it upon the front pages, it is definitely deserving of a win.

    Best of luck !
    I'm looking forward to reading more from you in the near future.

  • 12 years ago

    by ---AL---

    Thank you for the comments. The capital "S" was just a typo - thank you for pointing it out as well as the other typos. As for "Cemetery" and "see" I had troubles finding a way of rhyming with Cemetery while conveying the same point and not disrupting the flow. The word was required to direct the reader into the correct setting. Unfortunately, I had to succumb to one of two things: using a week rhyme with just the sound of "EE" or pronouncing the Cemetery like some people in my area do "Cem-e-tree". Either way I wasn't super happy about it and I am still open to suggestions.

    Lastly, the begining of the poem was designed to set a tone for the poem. Originally when i did this poem I was trying to make all the rhymes almost work but not quite work. The idea for this was to emphasize on how the floating petal seemed beautiful but in actuality it was a tragedy. Unfortunately, the poem sounded really bad when i did this - and it was surprisingly really hard to write half-rhyming sentences. So I restarted and left the begining the same because I really like the wording on it. I also figured that the average person wouldn't notice and the astute reader would delve more into it... which you did... so thank you!

  • 12 years ago

    by Lu

    I instantly fell in love with this write, it has such a wonderful flow to it and each word just softly tumbles to the next.

    I do have a few questions though. Your first 2 lines you end with wind/sin. Now wind/sinned would rhyme better but would horribly disrupt the flow and make the read terribly awkward. So I am wondering if you have intentionally used wind/sin to grab the reader's attention.

    When they're blinded and cannot see
    The graves that fill the cemetery
    ^^^
    I also see the same in these 2 lines.

    To show that humans killed there own,
    ^^
    should be "their" own

    With petals Shining like a gem,
    ^^
    I am also wondering if there is a reason behind the capital S in shining. Or just a typo.

    I love this piece from beginning to end. The word choice is perfect and really grabbed me and pulled me into the write. And the title is perfect.

    Of seeded tine, to sprouted root,
    ^^^
    My favorite line ! Love the insertion of "tine"

    I am not a fan of capitalizing each line but it really seemed to work well in this write. I have read this over and over many times and love it more and more each time.

    Looking forward to reading more soon.

  • 12 years ago

    by Hellon

    This is a very striking piece of poetry. Normally I'm not a big fan of poetry that is not broken into stanzas but I think this one would not have flowed so good if it had been.

    Loved the message in this verse as well. Haven't read any of your work before but...looking forward to seeking out some more of your writes.

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