The imagery you've created here is so incredible. I've said this before but I feel like I'm looking into a painting, or reading a novel by someone who has created a scene so strong and powerful.

The way you've changed the beginning and end makes me feel like you're looking back at your past, on a fond memory maybe, after growing up and feel the nostalgia here. Maybe a lesson was learned, maybe the feeling that you miss the simplicity of being a boy.

I'm taking it for face value and feel it's too beautiful to try and read into it any further. :)

A very peaceful and beautiful poem.

Gorgeous images here! Loved it. So serene.

x

Colm,
I was was waiting ti read you again and this piece is serene, the imagery makes me think of a Renoir, an impressionistic painting.

I fish my way towards an ocean
that the stretching sun softens

I am speechless. Bravo.

I'm happy to say that I understand this write, from beginning to end (which is a first I think :)

I like the way you juxtaposed childhood memories of fishing with Dad, with a return trip to the same fishing place later on in life.

The imagery is good for the most part, but a little clumsy in a couple of spots:

"The river tickles along its way" is missing a subject. What or whom is it tickling? The river can tickle your toes or it can tickle the shore, but it is already "kissing" the shore.

"The blue teal and silver" works great for people familiar with fishing terms, but perhaps if you mention the word "lure" or "hook," more people would get that it is a fishing lure.

"A boy hums a soundtrack to his father's fishing," is a bit vague. I'd like to know what he is humming.

"I fish my way towards an ocean
that the stretching sun softens,"

I think the imagery here would make more sense if the ocean was stretched out before you and the sun was softened.

Even with those minor flaws, it is still a very enjoyable read!

Colm,

This reads like an ultra-short plot for a movie, the kind that makes you feel good about your childhood.

I have the same remarks as Kiko had, about some way some lines seem to be lacking coherence, so I won't repeat his words, it is a really good poem nonetheless.

What makes this verse so relatable is the way reality changes once time has elapsed and you are able to view the world from a different angle. Unless the reader is into fishing, he does not know you made it really difficult for your father to catch fish by throwing pebbles. Yet in your poem there is no mentioning of him trying to scurry you off, lol. The honesty makes the reader sympathize with you, how you were unable to skim the stones. The love of your father for you and his patience is felt deeply and you are able to make the reader see that you have realized this too, in hindsight.

This really touched my heart:)

5/5 Ingrid

This piece nurtured my heart from learning a good lesson and inspired to write more..

>look back - See a boy
trying to skim stones.
See a man cast his teal blue and silver
along a less-spotted shore.
This is the part that i like much..it was written perfectly that made your whole piece amazing!

The thoughts are full of imagination, so powerful...vividly tagged the heart of readers...you have a deep and broad imagination that deliver this brilliant words into paper..so inspiring...every word relates the image and scenario of the poem...seems like a long story that perfectly written into short poem with detailed knowledge and description..i really love this poem...and one of my favorite, splendidly done!
5/5