Ahh this is a nice take on the poem in my opinion.
I love how well you worded it and i love the imagery. I know exactly what it is, ive seen enough mythology sadly haha.One of my favorite lines was the one with the dust and your tongue. Its very unique (this whole poem is). I feel like its a fresh twist on an older poem. Thank you for sharing and writing it truly.

I like the questioning near the end where he starts doubting himself / starts questioning oneself. *hug* I hope nothing has brought you to your downfall lately. I know all to well how it feels and you have gone through enough.

Do your best to keep on chuggin, I'm hoping for ya :3

Again great poem 5/5 :D

Edit: I also loved the stanza when you wake up defeated. Just the imagery and i feel like how it flowed felt the image you were creating. Heh

Nana.. just wow!!

This reminds me of Devil Wears Prada, somehow.. though this is a different aspect.

I like how you said that it was because of your heels (throwing blames on another stuff) knowing that your relation with God is vertiginous. It's in fact, not. love the ending.. it's because of your feeble stands.

brilliant. as always.

God witnessed my defeat, today,
while I lost one more battle
in front of the devil buried
somewhere behind our sight.
In the evil desire in which we
are all absorbed.
^^
I loved the idea of losing a battle, it gives a very strong sense of defeat, as if you can not recover from what happened. Very strong image. I have a suggestion though for the last line, it could be something like this:
"In the/this evil desire; we
are all absorbed."

For I never knew
my mind would be a home,
of ignorance...
^^
Oh wow!! I loved the metaphor here. I think its so original, how you said that your mind was the home of ignorance, as if it was the source of all of your insecurities.

As if my conscious is a wide
ocean that leaps from the
coldest cores of both poles.
Frozen...
^^
Its a smart idea of using both poles in this verse, gave the reader the sense of wideness you wanted to show. and then you ended it with "Frozen" that got my mind frozen for a second :P

Perhaps it was the heels
I wear, or in fact,
the feeble stands I take.
^^
This is my favorite part in the poem. Those few lines gave the perfect closure so this amazing poem. And the wondering that echos from them is so deafening.

Amazing work sweetie.

Ohh, and I LOVE the title :)

Wooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Firstly the title is so eye catching. I was wondering what your Achilles' heel is.

I love the first stanza - I love how you have mentioned that God watched you be defeated and then go on to say in front of the devil. It was like it was the devil who made you lose.

This poem is very powerful, dark and an absolute enjoy to read.

Nana this is so good I can't even begin lol

x

I'm out of words for starts but i just hard to fight through my words to say this. Very captivating title, got me thinking, whether this is linked to the movie 'Troy'. My best is the 2nd stanza followed by where he's asking whether God saw all that has befallen him or if he'd committed an evil act towards God. Feeling despondent and pessimistic he's doubting his confidence and ability to persue his responsiblities. A very relatable piece, written exquisitely and with vivid imagery. In as much as life is a roller coaster, at times when we're going through some trials and tribulations, we question our belief? Which is a sign of weakness but with a determimed force to conquer and be triumphant, life dwells into diverse stages that challenges our faith and wit. I love this piece so much, definitely a 5 from me. Brilliance with in depth muse from a diva with soulful words. KUDOS! With love rosey love, stay blessed. :).

MY FIRST QUESTION IS: WHY DO YOU ALWAYS WRITE AMAZING POEMS NANA?
I read this while at work, and I was like gobsmacked and it kept me pondering all session, I was like... Hmmm, what does that bit mean? Where does that fit in?
My analysis may be a little long winded today, I am afraid...so

God witnessed my defeat, today,
while I lost one more battle
infront of the devil buried
somewhere behind our sight.
In the evil desire in which we
are all absorbed.
^^^^
Awesome opening, very strong, powerful words, and great imagery, I guess here that you are saying that it was a difficult today, that the other side of you won...as we all have another side to us that sometimes takes over

My strength got strangled in
the pettiness of obscurity,
that was wrapping each single
inch of my skin. Chocking
with dust that sheathed
my tongue. For I never knew
my mind would be a home,
of ignorance...
^^^^^^^^^^
You became weak but the reason was something very small, but it consumed you. The words were tongue tied, you couldn't understand and you didnt realise that you were in this place.

Then I woke up conquered
and recognized that I am
occupied by sins that circulate
in my blood...tirelessly.
As if my conscious is a wide
ocean that leaps from the
coldest cores of both poles.
Frozen...
^^^^^^^
You regret something, you don't know why and its making you cold, you feel calculated and unsure of the path to take...

I wonder...God witnessed
my loss ? Or is it actually
that I have betrayed God.
^^^^^^
Love the questions, in this did you betray god or was this god betraying you, did he witness your fall and why did he allow it?

Perhaps it was the heels
I wear, or infact,
the feeble stands I take.
^^^^^^^
Great ending Nana, this left me pondering so much, it was really thought provoking piece, and I love that about your work,
you really do write some awesome stuff girl

Love always
Mwah
Hugs
xxxxx

Wow!!! I'm speechless! This poem is amazing, just I can't even express how much I love this poem...

I love every metaphor, every image you penned in this poem... each one is more powerful than the other... I can't even choose a favorite.

But I must say I looooove these parts:

"My strength got strangled in
the pettiness of obscurity,
that was wrapping each single
inch of my skin."

"For I never knew
my mind would be a home,
of ignorance..."

"I am
occupied by sins that circulate
in my blood...tirelessly."

And the ending was just perfect..... I love the title, and I love how you based this about Achilles' heel... it was such an inspiring poem... because we all have weaknesses and I definitely could relate... I know I try to be strong most of the time and hide my weakness... This poem really moved me. I just really love it.

5/5 and worth winning!

One of the few poems on this site that made perfect sense without being overly cheesy at all. This is good work.