Just a Dream

I really enjoyed this write. There is a lot of wonderfully romantic imagery, and you did a nice job adding your own personal touches to the Titanic story.

There are a few minor technical issues I think could make the poem "shine" a bit better. The first is to put the scene in the present, instead of the past. I also took the liberty of trimming down some of the lines, so they would be a bit crisper.

I might also change the title to something like "Unsinkable Love" or something else that alludes to the Titanic, without actually saying "Titanic."

As always, you can feel free to use or disregard these suggestions. In any case, the poem is very well written. :)

I watch an hourglass
slowly diminish,
as memories
fade away
with each tear
that is shed.

The ghostly ship
sinks within my soul,
drowning screams
filtering through
my feverish brain.

A violinist plays on,
and I am standing alone,
clutching a single red rose.

Tiny grains of sand sift
between my trembling fingers,
as I feel my life ebbing away.

Dropping a rigor mortis petal
onto a frozen, broken heart,
I urge the violinist to play
our song, "Forever".

My eyes begin to flutter,
as the morning sun arises.
"Just a dream," I whisper,
reaching over to kiss you

...and a wilted rose petal
falls from my hand.

Somehow, a lot of your poetry, tends to send chills down my arms. You captured the sorrow, the emotion VERY well! I'm baffled! Your graceful descriptiveness passes along vivid imagery to the reader!! ^_^ I loved this, with a mystical ending! Another great piece!

5/5

I felt like all of my hair stood up...frightened of the last paragraph,....i was saying oh my GOD on the last part..

I felt like all of my hair stood up...frightened of the last paragraph,....i was saying oh my GOD on the last part..

The image of an hourglass is powerful /combined with the tragedy of the Titanic ............the violin. Ouch! and a rose petal for the final touch of emotion . Beautiful !