Correct me

by Chelsey   Mar 1, 2012


Forgive me for stating it so bluntly,
but you have given me reason
to completely mistrust anyone
who takes one step closer
to the inside of my heart.

I've been trying to practice
"Love your neighbor as you do yourself"
However, when loyalty was violated
by you,
I've lost the want to love
and trust anyone other than God.

Correct me if I'm wrong,
but wasn't it you who taught me
that being there for someone, forever
means your heart and soul
are in it 110% ?

That honesty, decency, respect
should rank higher than any other
human quality we have.
If you didn't know, yes
it was you who taught me that.

When once I found comfort in you,
now I find strength in mere thoughts.
Thoughts that give me hope.
Hope that someone like you is out there,
but someone who goes through with
what they define in a friendship.

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by Jenna Bella Oldridge

    Loved everything from the title to the last line. This poem says alot about broken loyalty and how people abuse our trust.

    A deep, honest write.

    5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by L

    Correct me, Fits the poem perfectly.
    Its catchy and intriguing.

    Correct me, If I'm wrong...

    I like that stanza the most.
    This poem really makes one think about what we do and what we teach other people intentionally or not. Though, its sad when we find out that the one that taught us doesn't implement it. But just because they don't implement it, it doesn't mean that we shouldn't. It just depends from person to person.

  • 12 years ago

    by Lioness

    Oh man this poem sums up most of my past relationships.

    I loved it. Loved it!!!

    x

  • 12 years ago

    by Karla

    Stunning piece my friend.

  • 12 years ago

    by Decayed

    Kudos to you Chels, for this piece is so modern, handling a current topic which is brilliantly described. I like the idea of losing faith in friends.. the closest people. We're being so picky now (I myself) to chose friends, for you think you know them, but suddenly they show you their ass.

    I like the opening, and then the incorporation of this proverb:

    "Love your neighbor as you do yourself"

    ^ I think if you have to love your neighbor like you love your friend. Smart usage, to show that friends are loved without being told to love them. Nice comparison!

    And then, the subtle rhymes in the 3rd and 4th stanzas are perfect.

    I need to elaborate on this bomb because it's super epic:

    When once I found comfort in you,
    now I find strength in mere thoughts.

    ^ WOW! totally true.. people used to cling to people to find comfort, but now people are being a source of discomfort. And so, what is left to comfort us? THOUGHTS. We cling to them. If they're bright, they brighten our lives. If they're not. They can doom us.

    BEAUTIFUL VERSE.

    Thoughts that give me hope.
    Hope that someone like you is out there,

    ^ Here, I love the repetition of thoughts and hope.

    but someone who goes through with
    what they define in a friendship.

    ^ however, I don't feel that the ending is strong. Maybe you should change it, but that doesn't affect my feelings of what preceded this.

    AMAZING, CHELS
    Keep it up

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