Comments : Tomorrow

  • 12 years ago

    by HOLLY ARMER

    I enjoyed the chaotic tranquility in this piece.

    Your word play in the first stanza is brilliant. I love "prance vigorously".

    Then when you talk about the quiet cloud accumulating makes me think of cumulous clouds like in meteoroligy.

    Great poem riddled with sad undertones. Keep it up!

  • 12 years ago

    by Mattias Ostling

    Oo. I liked it! Great metaphors and I loved the oxymoron in the first stanza!

    Found a couple of typos, though.

    Accumilates all around me

    ^Accumulates

    a refridgerator running,

    ^refrigerator

    burying me in my own self pity

    ^People usually want a hyphen in self-pity.

    I loved the topic of a person being perhaps manipulated into liking someone. One's actions really have to speak for one's words sometimes, hell, all the time.

    Great stuff!

  • 12 years ago

    by Jenni

    I like the title, it is simple yet eye catching and this poem is filled with heartwrenching emotions.
    Usually people focus on the things one sees or feels in their poems, but I liked how yours rather started with what the speaker hears and you carried that through your poem, which I really liked.

    Well written poem! :)

  • 12 years ago

    by Lioness

    I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS!

    The images were immaculate. I could really hear the fridge running and the furnace and then all these thoughts in your head.

    It reminds me of depression when you are just too drained to do anything but think your thoughts. I thought it was great!

    My fingers want to turn the TV on
    My legs want to go on about my day,
    but this burden on my shoulders
    is weighing me down into the sofa-
    burying me in my own self-pity
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    I think it really sums it up when someone has no energy to do anything but be in self pitty. You have described this well.

    Awesome

    x

  • 12 years ago

    by Xanthe

    Much has been said about this poem but, great imagery. I can feel your solitude and loneliness.
    5/5 Keep writing :)

    -X