All Over Me

The time was after the midnight hour
I had barely begun sharing my dreams with my pillows
When your soft voice echoed into my subconscious
"What would you do if I left you?"
Before they even had a chance to start,
My dreams shattered into pieces
As if the mirror I had been carrying crashed to the floor.

My eyes flew open, now suddenly wide-awake
In the darkness of a place I now started to fear.
The silence of your question plagued the air
My usually racing mind was quieted.
I told you then in that moment:
"I honestly do not know."

Because in that moment I did not want
To fathom the idea of your absence in my life.
But as your work takes you away for the next few days
I find the answer to your question
Whispering in your clothes that were tossed on the floor,
Filling up with tears in the empty bed that you had lain in.
hearing it in the sound of the shower water hitting the floor,
Graffiti seen by only my eyes
Written on all these walls that housed your company.

Every miniscule thing that lies around this dwelling
Has its own personal memory of you.
What I should have said to you that night
The words that were kept in my heart
That should have been said for yours to hear:

"Darling, if you were to leave me,
The memories of you, the memories of us
Would be all around me, keeping me surrounded
All the reasons, all the whys, the things that went wrong
All the things I wonder of what I had done to make you leave
Would be pointing their guns at me.

The grenades of our last night, of our last kiss, our last goodbye,
Would bring down the walls I had painstakingly built all around me.
There would be no safe place for me to escape to,
As everything I had sought from you,
The comfort, the love, the sweet words, the company
Would be all over me, like blood from the weak.
They would seep from all these seen and unseen wounds.

My eyes wouldn't know what it would be like
To see without the clouding of tears blocking the view.
And all of those tears I'd cry in your name,
Would be all over me as if I had dived into the ocean
Hoping that one of these mornings I'd wake up drowning.

The feel of your fingers tracing my skin,
The feel of your kiss dancing upon my own,
The feel of your body lying against me as we fell into our dreams
Would be all over me like an old scar that refuses to fade.
No matter how much I scratched and clawed at my surface
I would not be able to remove what you had melded into me.

The music you had gotten me to fall in love with
Would never be heard again for these ears of mine.
Because the sound of your voice would be all over me
Like the cool gentle breeze on a hot summer day.

The habit of waiting for four-thirty to roll around
Would suddenly lose all its meaning
As I'd be sitting here waiting to hear your boots on the floor,
To hear the door open, the jingling of your keys.
The rush of the moment as I am encircled in your arms.
They'd be trapped at my sides, unsure of where to move.
My eyes would linger on that staircase
Expecting an action that I know would be no more.

The girl that you've come to know now,
Would disappear along with you.
I'd be left with an empty shell of what I used to be.
And everyone would be able to see
that your absence is all over me.