Comments : Why Daddy?

  • 12 years ago

    by Jump from Life

    I understand your pain. I'm going through the same thing. What hurts more... is that he actually pretends to give a crap about me....

    But sweetie, he`s not worth your tears if he gave up on you. I swear to god he`s not.

  • 12 years ago

    by Sami

    It still hurts. So bad.... But thanks for the review..<3

  • 12 years ago

    by Jump from Life

    Your welcome for the review '3

    I know it hurts darling, but you gotta push through it and tell yourself he`s not worth your tears, because he`s not. if you want, message me, I`ll always be here to listen.

  • 12 years ago

    by Sami

    Thanks.

  • 12 years ago

    by Steven Croat

    I am really sorry it!I also understand you...
    hard lines...

    Steven

  • 12 years ago

    by Sami

    Thanks, it's very hard..,

  • 12 years ago

    by Girl of Conviction

    I can relate to this poem alot :[
    my dad was never here for me

    great writing full of emotion :]]

    love it

    5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Omar

    I'm sorry for you dad not being there for you. I hope everyThing gets better.
    And i like every lines of this poems 5/5 :)

  • My dad hasn't been there for me
    For days, and months and years.
    He left my life when I turned five,
    Leaving me in a decade full of tears.

    ^^
    Great opening. I'm kind of conflicted with this though. I think it's fantastic that you put it straight out there, but at the same time I feel like you should have left readers to guess about this for a little while.
    I love the second line.. if you had just said 'years' it wouldn't have as much impact... by mentioning the length of time, extending it as you go.. it shows how long it's been and emphasises that fact.
    'Decade full of tears' - that is such a heartbreaking line. Well said.

    I miss my daddy all the time
    His hugs, his kisses, and jokes.
    He doesn't want me in his life anymore,
    And now my heart is broke.

    ^^
    I like how you mentioned the positives, all the things you miss. Poems like this tend to focus on the hate and mention things that makes them angry about what occurred.
    The third line is out of sync with the flow of the rest of the poem - there's too many syllables I believe. Just try to shorten it in perhaps, rewording can often help with this.

    Ever since the day he married
    Nine years ago this July,
    I haven't been his little girl,
    He's been deaf to my cries.

    ^^
    This is such a heartbreaking stanza. The emotion just pours through your words.

    It's hard to accept my daddy's gone,
    Taken from my life.
    By a jealous woman who's insecure,
    And threatend by a child.

    ^^
    'taken from my life' - this line makes it sound as though your dad had no choice but to leave, when in fact he probably did. But I suppose, it is nice to believe that he was not the one making the decisions here though, that if he had the choice, he wouldn't have left you.

    I don't understand this last bit. 'threatened by a child' ?? did this other woman's child threaten him in some way (I really don't see how) or did this other woman find out she was pregnant and threw it in his face in order to have him leave you and your mother?
    Also, this line is again out of sync in the flow of your poem. Needs revising.

    Overall;
    A strong, emotional piece. Decent rhyme and the flow wasn't too bad - nothing a couple of minor adjustments can't fix.

    I can relate to this unfortunately. Only a couple of years ago, both my parents walked out on me. But, fortunately for me they both came back. But that emotional state that I was in at the time - I wouldn't wish that on my enemy. It was one of the lowest moments of my life (there were other factors to this emotional distress).
    Sorry that this has happened to you, but hopefully your relationship with your father gets better.

    Great write. 5/5