Mourn For Me In Colour

I loved the title of this piece and the thoughts and emotions behnd each line. The rhyme was great to but there is one little thing I notice...Had I have written this I would have paid closer attention to the syllable count and tightened up those 3 longer lines...To make it flow better. Just a suggestion and I did enjoy your beautifully sad poem. The syllables dont have to be exact but they do need to be closer in a couple of lines. take care Ruby,
Lostlove

Easy Fix if you'd want to :)

Mourn for me in colour
Cry for me in your smile
Remember me in the good times
Give me moment not a while
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Firstly Jen, I lovvvvvvve the title. The title can say so much about a poem and I completely loved this one Mourn for me in colour. Already I can see it's about someone who when passes or has passed away - does not want their family or loved ones to be completely saddened by their passing. They want them to remember the colourful & happy times rather than focusing on the sad. I simply love this.

Speak to me in your laugh
And see me in the sun
Walk with me in comfy shoes
Tell me about the knew things you have done
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I love this stanza too. It makes me think of when your loved ones die, you continuously talk to them believing that they can hear you. That their spirit is with you and when you're saying tell me the new things you've done, it really emphasises this point. Again, brilliant stanza.

Embrace moving on
Moving on means one step closer to us meeting again
Feel me inside your happiness
And let go of any strain
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This is sad. I know it can be hard moving on when someone has died but it's such a nice thought that it's what they would want you to do. This stanza broke my heart.

For I want you to live in the now
And not back in the past
So mourn for me in colour
And let the colour last
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I don't know why but this stanza reminded me of my members of my family that have passed away in the last couple of years. When you mention to mourn in colour and let the colour last, again it makes me think of remembering the good and not thinking about the dark times. I know when my family members have passed away they were ill or in tubes. Some people don't want to go to the wake because they cannot see their loved ones like that and some people feel that seeing them then makes them feel as though they are in peace. When they have tubes in them and they are dying, it is really nice in my opinion to see them at peace in a coloured light rather than with tubes that could remain in your mind forever.

I believe this is a beautiful, heartfelt and sad poem that has touched me. Jen this is awesome.

I loved it completely.

x

Yup, living in the now is the best option rather than in the past.

I like this piece. Specially this lines

"For I want you to live in the now
And not back in the past
So mourn for me in colour
And let the colour last"

Tell me about the knew things you have done

^ you mean.. 'new'?

--

one step closer to us meeting again

^ I suggest you remove 'us' because what was before was really soft and what's after is soft.. and 'us' comes to sound bold, somehow,,, just saying..

--

Omg, Jen this is freakin awesome!!!:

For I want you to live in the now
And not back in the past
So mourn for me in colour
And let the colour last

^ This can make a HIT song, you know! watch out for Katy Perry,, she can steal those lyrics ;)
lol

Beautiful... by all means!

Mourn for me in colour
Cry for me in your smile
Remember me in the good times
Give me moment not a while

The last line should be 'Give me a moment and not a mile'

I would suggest you not capitalise words that are in a coninuing sentence coz that removes the flow of the poem.

I would also suggest you place commas where necessary so that it flows even better and smoothly.

Overall, an enjoyable read. i really loved the message of the poem and the last was my fav. The past is the past and should remain so. You on my fav list.