Close my Eyes and You'll Be Gone

by Random   Mar 17, 2012


Super sleepy
but I'm super scared
That'll I'll close my eyes
and you'll disapper

Then I'll be left all aone
to face this madness, called life,
on my own

That's something i can't do
not just yet.
Don't wanna be someone you'll forget

I think I'm crazy for you
Yeah, I'm on the brink
But to make sure you'll stay
I don't think I'll blink

-MLH

I worte this at 2 am because i couldn't sleep

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  • 12 years ago

    by Xanthe

    "Super sleepy
    but I'm super scared
    That'll I'll close my eyes
    and you'll disapper"
    The first two lines were great, but the next lines didn't go well.. My suggestion:
    'That if I close my eyes,
    You'll disappear'

    "Then I'llbe left all aone
    to face this madness, called life,
    on my own"
    Typo: alone

    "That's something i can't do
    not just yet."
    We need the people we love to complete this life. But if they're gone, that doesn't mean we should give up, it just means God has other plans with us, something better and something we deserve.

    All in all, a really neat piece considering you wrote this at 2am.. I write at night too when I can't sleep, and the outcome is filled with raw emotion and talent at its best, and that's what you have here. Perhaps you woke up and was kinda sleepy but you miss this person so much that you just have to write about your love for him/her.. Really well-penned. Keep writing :)

    -X

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