I Promise You, AnneMarie

It never ended-
blood echoing screams,
hands playing shadows
of hate across the wall
and across her heart.

In this bleak steady silence,
I understood that guilt
needed no words
to shout at me.

I already knew.
I always knew.

My frail Angel,
where is she?

How I pray....I PRAY
the scars have started to heal-
the bruises may be gone,
but her memory
is now so far aged, past a time
of innocence....
playing over the sounds
of love's dark side-
a horror of my creation.

You must know where she is-
I need you to know!
Please go, find her,
assure her that life
is not brimming
with the evil I laid on her.

How do I know
she will want to live anymore,
touch the blankets of the sky
and pretend she's covered
by the angels?

The past pushes
itself to the present,
I. cannot. make. it. stop
these images intruding
upon who I desire to see
as a stranger.

A man touching
my daughter,
but LOOK,
he's not loving her,
he's trying to put
the fight out of her

with swelling lips
and black-crusted skin.

And she suffocates
while he chokes back bile,
passing into the next
room to rid himself
of the damage....
that's stained his newly
pressed coat.

She's holding her teddy bear,
the only innocent thing
she owns, the only creature
that will listen.
Her sobs turn to wheezes.
Her muscles tighten
to hug the bear,
with all she's got left.

And I let myself
indulge in the anger,
while the blood streams
onto arms of a tiny little bear.....
the one I gave her!

Blue gray eyes
I never looked into,
wide irises
I never tried to calm.
I fear they will never
open to light again,
that my face will be imprint
it's lion's head onto her.

I'd give everything
if......

To take those hundreds
of moments back,
I would take the gun
gladly. For her.

All for her!

I fear she will recognize me
and walk away,
that she'll never look
in my eyes again.
And I fear, she'll never
give me the chance
to forgive her.

I fear the world will never
hear her heart's brokenness,
that no one will ask to fix it,
and that abuse won't be
caught in the wind's rush.

I'm done with who I am.
I know she is out there,
waiting to be saved.

I'll never forget you
AnneMarie, and I promise
you'll meet somone
who will promise you
the world's love.

I promise you,
you never need
to change.

I promise you,
you are loved by one
just as perfect as you are,
darling.

March 20, 2012.