Comments : I wish I was the One for you

  • 12 years ago

    by Xanthe

    "I want to be the guy
    You turn to when you're sad
    That holds you when you cry"
    -> "that" should be "who"

    "But even more do I want to be the one
    You trust with all your secrets
    And that shares in your happy moments"
    -> the last line does not need the "that". Should be "and share in your happy moments"

    "Sadly I'm just some guy to you
    Not the one you want around
    You lead me to believe
    I'm not good enough for you"
    ->Really powerful lines. Stood out for me.. until I read the last lines.

    "'Cause just talking to you
    Makes me feel like I'm not enough
    And I can't take that feeling anymore
    It's tearing me apart"
    -> Great ending :)

    It's a beautiful piece. Well-written!
    Keep writing 5/5 :)

    -X