Oh this is a heavy piece.... we all try and focus on the light within darkness.... and only end up getting hit again, knocked down, is enough for one to bare... loved the metaphor's... I find it wise to wrap my heart and soul in a rubber band so i can bounce back a bit easier~ awesome poem-

Bro this is not anything like I expected haha. You're good at the twist at the end , makes for a great read..Excellent

Love the poem. has lots of emotion. i love the twisted ending.- please comment on my poems,too

Powerful piece. The ending broke my heart. Excellent!

I was reading the first few stanzas and I felt an instant of hope and beauty. The idea that you were finding the light was great. I felt saddened in the last couple of stanzas because of the fact that you didn't get to that light that you wanted to.

Awesome write!

x

This was really good. 5/5. I can definitely relate.

I couldn't help but have a small laugh because of the saying of there is a light at the end of the tunnel and every time I finished saying that saying, I kept saying "I just hope that is not a train coming my way" and yup it turns out that it was in this case. Very good.

This was really good :]

5/5

This poem is exellent and a lot of people can relate to it. i love how there is sp much hope and then she gets nocked back again. as is life. well done xx

'I see a light at the
end of the tunnel.'
This is a very well-known 'synonym'/saying for hope.

'Truehappiness is
in front of me
and I cannot wait
any longer
I drift closer,
I walk closer,
nay I run closer!'
I can definitely feel the building energy, the excitement, the hope..

'The only sounds in
my ears are
my heavy breathing
my legs against the
stone floor and
a loud sound of joy--
a loud sound of bliss.'
Great imagery again.

'I feel it before ever
I realize it.'
I think there's something wrong.. I think it would be better if you revise this to something like 'I feel it before I even realize it.' or 'I feel it before ever realizing it'. Just a suggestion, though, or maybe it's just me..

'My bones shattering and my
blood splashing,
leaving my heart empty
and without a beat.'
Wow. Now that's scary lol. At first I thought you were running so fast, you hit a train with its light on..but then again, the train was moving :b

'As I lay there mangled, torn
And absolutely decimated
I realize that the
light was nothing more
than another train
rolling through.
All I can do now is pray.
Pray for a quick death.'
I know this is really sad, but I can't help laughing. I'm not sadistic, mind you, but I found it quite funny, not considering that the persona died lol.

Awesome piece 5/5 :) Keep writing!

-X