Comments : No one can win

  • 12 years ago

    by BlueJay

    Your poems are always so emotional, this one is no exception. This one is relatable as well though, which was nice.

    I can't keep hiding the pain
    when nothing is going right
    I cant keep smiling
    if all we do is fight

    ^^ This is a perfect start and it is something almost everybody has or will experience.

    I cant keep hoping
    when no one tries
    I cant keep hiding
    all my tears and cries

    ^^No one can hide all those tears and if people wont try then there is no point in continuing on.

    I cant keep going on like this
    when everything is bad
    i cant keep lying
    and pretending im not sad

    ^^ Could anyone keep going? Is anyone able to pretend so much? Only very few people could, so don't be hard on yourself about this much.

    I cant keep trying
    if your giving in
    and when everyone is losing
    no one can win

    ^^ No one ever wins. But excellent ending.

    I love how the rhymes are so subtle. I love how you have the emotion and you are so clear in what you mean, yet anyone can take this in many ways. Great job. Simple pieces like this are very hard to write well, but you succeeded.

    5/5

    ~MRK