Connecticut King Bed

That night I thought you came back into my my life.
You told me you had proposed.
My life then started a 2nd beginning..about you.
I felt ashamed & at loss as your lover w/ uncontrollable crying.
I tried to stop it, but the hurt would not let me.
Because your heart is winning.
The keyboard on my cell then starts to become wet.
Suffering in the memories, I managed to kept.

You've started a new life.
That may end with eternity.
A 2nd life for you & a 2nd life for me.
It's been hard to move on & now u've made it harder on me.
When months ago.
I was the girl you'd meet & marry..

You say u've missed me.
Well I've missed you too.
You told me you don't or that you can't love me, not even as a friend bc ur serious w. sum1 else.
But you tell me you still care about me.
Somewhere down the line, your lieing and I know it.
I'm so hurt.
Cannot get over us.
There are countless times I've replayed our memories since we broke up.
Then you text'd me, I thought you had came back.

Because even though you said bye to me bc I lied to you & u fell for someone else.
I had this unsure feeling, that we'd get to be with each-other again.

My terrible lie sat up there on the moon.
When I look'd out my bedroom window at night.
Unsure, I told myself.
This present will past us soon.

I try to sleep but I can't stop dreaming of you.
Wondering what would of happened if I had told the truth too soon.

In school, friends ask me whats wrong.
I pretend nothings bothern me.
But it sits there right in my fckn head.
Banging my brain, w/the memories I now dread.
Starting to tear my head apart, & keep my heart.
To make me suffer.

A saddened and worried face.
At night, those memories sit there in space.
So hard to forget, so hard for you to remember.
You believe you know everything.
But guy, you'll never know.

I'm so surrounded, yet so alone.
I would like to be your girl again.
I would like to hear your voice again.
I know it will never be.

Because you've proposed.
Because you long for someone else's love.
Also, because secretly I know I change your weather.
I too just want the best for you.

We had our time, it didn't last.
The candle burnt out...

You've missed me so.
But didn't you think it'd be best to leave me alone.
Maybe secretly, you wanted to know if I was breathing.
Or maybe you saw the old messages on yahoo on my birthday.
I knew you were w/someone.
You promised we'd talk all day..that day.
& if I remember correctly, you never broke your promises with me.

But let's face it, I had just told you the truth.
The truth that was bothering me only to start bothering you.
If you thought it out.
Maybe you would of asked at beginning, have I gotten over you.
But maybe you didn't want to come off lovefool.

You asked me hows my love life.
I told you the truth.
I asked you the same.
The after 2 txts I noticed you did not answer the q.

It hit me that you may be taken or getting married.
I didn't want to ask bc I thought I already knew.
I asked..to see if I'd ever have a 2nd chance w/u.

You told me you'd proposed to a girl on your bday in Cancun.
told me, you'd never been happier & that it was perfect.
My world then started to spin.
Sittn at the edge of my bed.
Crying hard.
Leading to a pale beat up face.
A voice broken down only meant to..disgrace.
Never knew my voice could sound so ugly.
Crying for awhile, my mouth lost taste from what I last ate.
With my head in my hands.

I understand, its been awhile & I lied to you..love.
Not a day went by where I did not think of you.
It still hurts very badly.
Then I text'd you, I don;t think we should text anymore.
You freaked a little & this made me not want to leave.

Why are you doing this to ME?
The lost love of your dreams.

We should of been over at the start.
The pain in me is just too incredibly strong.
Breathtaking..at times.

I didn't text you yesterday because honestly it's hard to text you.
I wondered this morning if you've noticed or if you know.
That probably my feelings will never go.

The distance had to play a part into disrupting your mind.
Into doing what you have done.
In return in the hurt I put you through.

That night I found out your beautiful news.
My mom came in.
I tried to hide the tears.
She was talking & I wouldn't look up at her.
I wanted her to leave.
She knew I most likely saw my future with you.

Even though the love I had for her is gone.
She probably thinks its still there.
I showed her the messages about the girl u'd marry.
The hurt diminished me into showing that news into my most arch enemy.
Sobbing like crazy.
She said-"That's what your crying about?..Move On."
I thought I felt a dark blue cloud dispatching in my mind and in my heart.
I didn't know how to stop loving you more than a best friend.

I would like to pray.
That these feelings go astray.
I would like to hope.
That these feelings go away.
I would like to say.
That these feelings are here to say.
I would like to beg.
Not for me to see a new day.

A successful death in my sleep.
Perhaps a bad bus crash on my way home from school.
But I want to be the only target..

We will not think like eachother anymore.
Because you are getting married.

Go ahead.
Worsen my depression.
A depression you already took part in.
A depression I tried to get you out of..

I don't know her name.
I never want to & you won't say for whatever reason.

I don't know when you guys are getting married.
I won't ask.
But stop texting me for eternity, a week before that time comes.

If I was to ever hear it or see it.
I'd grow to be over-depressed.
To be a child..again.
Having people taking care of me for eternity.

Or..

Taking my own last breathe.
I miss you so greatly much.
I don't even want to dream what it would be like to touch you.

-Somebody's gonna miss you.
-Somebody's gonna wish that you were here.

Please don't bother trying to find me.
I won't be here.. =) </3

*Congrats to You and Your New Love*

Dedicated To: Trey L.