Comments : Its not over

  • 12 years ago

    by Rihanna

    I love it!

    she said "we can no longer be,"
    my body felt like it fell off a tree,
    burnt to the fourth degree,
    i hope that what she say she do not mean

    ^
    It hurts when the one you love says that we can no longer be it hurts inside. You've done well expressing yourself in this stanza.

    She tells me that i need to "go and move on,"
    she said she "has" which i know is lies,
    as i stop to bend and pick up a three leaf clover,
    i repeat to myself that it is not over .
    ^
    I also loved this stanza!
    The one you love tells you she needs to move on.

    she said she "has" which i know is lies

    I would suggest you change it to
    "She said " she needs to move on" but I know inside it's all just lies"

    In my opinion it flows better(:
    But overall I love this poem giving that message how broken you are when someone you love tells you I no longer can stay..

    Great poem 5/5 x

  • 12 years ago

    by Angel

    Aw thats sad its good but sad
    your rhyme sceme is also good :)