It was too hard
To say goodbye
So I left, like a coward
In the middle of the night
I stripped off jeans and a tshirt
Stepped into boots and camo
My name means nothing
When I am one in an army
I know you cried when morning came
And gone was your daughter
But know I had plans
Of coming home
A soldier from war
I just wanted you to be proud
To see medals on my chest
I wanted you to hold me close
And say I love you
What they don't tell you
Little kids playing soldier
Is that war is real
And pain and fear and dying
We're children in uniforms
So i walked onto a battlefield
And I'm sorry to say
I didn't die fast or painless
I felt every second
A round busting its way into my body
Shrapnel tearing through my skin
The concussive blast of an IED a foot away
The gritty sand that turned brown with blood under my hands
I'm sorry to say
I screamed in pain
Tears flooded my eyes
And i couldn't stop thinking
Oh, God why?
I'm sorry to say
I didn't go out storming the front lines
I didn't take a bullet for a friend
I didn't do anything
I'm sorry to say
I laid there in shock
Couldn't stop the bleeding on my own
I bit through my lip
And unloading my gun
Firing at shadows
I'm sorry to say
I was scared
I saw people coming for me
So I shot them all
And I'll never know
Who were the bad guys
I'm ashamed to think
I could've been home
I could've been with you
I could've gone through life
Not knowing these things
I almost did
But I know
There was no way to stop me
I would've gone anyway
And the last thing I'll know
I should've loved my family more than fighting a goddamn war.
