Comments : Walking without crutches

  • 12 years ago

    by Yrem Crish

    Good poem. Nice rhythm...good flow and the scheme was conveyed clear. Keep writing more:)

  • 12 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    People can be very cruel and judgemental
    they love to see us in misery. All we can
    do is ignore the ignorant people, and hold
    up our head

  • 12 years ago

    by Xanthe

    The title: Walking without crutches really captured my attention. I was curious about what symbolism you'd use with crutches. But could you capitalize the 'w' and 'c' on without and crutches respectively? I'm sorry but I notice small things today.
    Overall this piece has a nice message. I second what Dagmar have said. As far as the structure and context, the rhymes were somehow forced. I read it twice, actually. First, while acknowledging the rhymes and second, ignoring the rhymes.
    Take this stanza for example:

    'The crutch they need
    Is based on our society
    It's composed of anger, hate and greed
    It's all about property'

    I won't go on with the message, as it is good. But I feel the forced rhymes undermined the actual content. The syllable counts are: 4, 8; 9, 7
    You might know about that already, and I'm neither mocking nor insulting, but if you read it aloud it sounds awkward, hence forced rhyme. Sorry, just had to explain that. If you already knew that, then I suggest you should definitely follow that.
    Message-wise, I enjoyed reading this. A little typo on 'all' by the way.
    I see a lot of potential and I'm just giving you a little push. A bit editing and tweaking here and there would make this piece better. Keep writing :)
    -X

  • 12 years ago

    by Silent Girl

    Really good poem :) 5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by DeviousCharmer

    Sooo true , nicely written :)

  • 12 years ago

    by KRYSTAL B

    GREAT POEM :)

  • 12 years ago

    by BlueJay

    Excellent flow, easy rhymes. Very encouraging and fabulously written. The title grabbed me simply and the piece itself certainty didn't disappoint