I'm sitting here,
Alone.
I'm sitting here,
And nobody knows,
Nobody knows what I do.
I sit here alone,
I sit here and cry,
I sit here,
I look it up...
How to kill myself,
I find many ways,
Then I find a different website,
It's telling me how no-one loves me,
It's telling me the world would be best without me.
How can it say such things,
The same things I think about,
When I'm sitting here?
I'll be sitting here when I die,
I take those pills,
How many did it say?
I forget,
So I take them all.
I drink that bleach,
How much?
I can't remember,
Not even what it's mixed with.
I drink it all.
I slit my wrists,
All the way along,
I remember this one,
Not from the website,
From last time.
I start to feel dizzy,
I need to lie down,
But no,
I have to write a note -
"I'm sorry I couldn't be what you wanted. I'm sorry of what I am. I'm sorry I stayed so long. I'm leaving now. It won't be long until I'm gone."
I lay down,
On my bed,
I used to sit here,
Every night,
And cry myself to sleep,
Tonight I will cry myself to sleep,
But I won't wake up.
The morning comes,
Her mum comes to wake her for school,
She doesn't move,
Her mum comes closer,
She notices I'm not breathing,
She starts to panic,
If only the note I had written hadn't drifted under my bed.
She would know how I felt,
She thinks its an accident,
She didn't see it coming,
Didn't see the pain in my eyes,
She calls the ambulance,
They think they can save me,
But I'm nearly gone,
And already so much happier,
I'm watching them,
Looking down on myself,
As they try to save me.
It's over,
The tears fall down my mothers face,
My father is crying too,
Do they not realise,
This is where I wish to be?
That I'll be happy here?
That they'll be happier without me?
The doctors face falls,
He thought he could save me,
Never dealt with a teenage suicide before,
Never had a 14 year old girl kill herself,
He walks away,
Today forever will haunt him.
The nurses say the time of death,
Then they disperse,
Have to get on with the rest of their duties,
But just like the doctor,
This was the first teenage suicide for some,
But for others just the only one they hadn't been able to save.
If they just knew,
I wasn't only saved last night,
I was rescued.
