"We all know what their here for."
their--they're

"He placed a riffle to his head..."
riffle--rifle

"How could this happen...
How could this be...
How could he do this to me... To us.
Shattering hearts, pieces never to be found.
All left breathless, no one will make a
sound.
Blinded, all we see is red...
Cause the one we called are hero... is now
dead."
are--our
Jenn, really breath-taking piece! The ending to me was my favorite. I wasn't expecting that. And the rhymes were just sick.. The flow for me was awesome and the punctuation was placed neatly, I paused and stopped where it was intended and this piece really left me breathless.. err.. I won't be that surprised if you win. This is just awesome definitely 5/5 :)

-X

Wow i dont know what to say, this is totally amazing 5/5 u deserve more for this tho keep writing gr8 things like this =)

Hello!

So you have asked for an honest comment and here I am, doing my best to be extra honest without complimenting or kissing asses, lol. First off, let me tell you that death is so harsh, I myself experienced it too many times, I lost so many dear people and felt so imperfect without them, so I can pretty relate to this poem. I felt sad when reading it actually, it kind of reminds me of knells and I don't know, creepy things, haha. I always write about death because I feel released doing that and I guess you were just trying to let go of your surpressed emotions writing this piece! I love simple flow, simple wording but not 'plain' emotions. Y'know, not in that offensive sense, I mean, emotions are all the same but we, poets, can and must turn these emotions into words. Here I guess you kind of failed doing so, ALTHOUGH I felt so much emotions, you know what I mean?

I'll explain it for you. ;)

Shattered
^
I see this word in every poem describing death and I swear whenever I read it in a piece, I fly away and never complete it! Those shatter/scatter words are not my type at all. I just don't like feelings being explained. And then you said 'falling to the ground'... Well, I guess, and in my humble opinion, that you have explained your feeling of sadness enough with the first word 'shattered' then why repeating the same sad tone and in the same exact line, as well? I sorta think it's not necessary, that goes along with the next line... 'blind/unable to see' and 'breathless, unable to voice' I kind of like the 'sick' and 'trick' rhyming together, although I didn't completely understand what you meant by those two lines.

The ending was just sadly amazing! I loved it! I loved the blind and not being able to see BUT the only color refering to death which is 'red'. I also loved the questioning 'how could this happen' I just felt your voice so unstable and lonely, maybe regretful?

There are some lines that really show you have such a hidden talent that is waiting to be discovered and improved with time, you just have to pay some attention to those filler words, and filler similes. :)

A five from me and a nomination next week.

They said that he is dead...
He placed a rifle to his head...
How could this happen...
How could this be...
How could he do this to me... To us.

^^ This lines just shocked me, I'm sorry for your lost. The poem is flooded with emotion and the "... " helps the poem become more powerful than it already is because it adds suspense and leaves the reader thinking what are the answers to those questions...

Greetings

This piece is a brilliant one.

Shattered, falling to the ground.
Breathless, can't make a sound.
Blinded, I can not see.
This pain can not be.

The 1 stanza is the perfect way to describe the feelings upon hearing a terrible news. It rhyme perfectly and the emotions that you want to convery is strong. Well done.

They said that he is dead...
He placed a rifle to his head...
How could this happen...
How could this be...
How could he do this to me... To us.

This stanza is = The sadness and pain. It gave your piece the story and what really happened. Few lines but you did a pretty good story telling.

Shattering hearts, pieces never to be found.
All left breathless, no one will make a sound.
Blinded, all we see is red...
Cause the one we called our hero... is now dead.

My favorite part is the ending. You used the word "Hero" It means that this person is a mentor or maybe close friend to you. And, that is sweet.

I hope his soul will be remembered eternally. I know that if he could only read this wonderful poem. He will smile and say thank you.

Keep it up
5 for me

Seriously broke my heart, i don't know what i would do if i had to go through this... my heart goes out to you. this poem is beautiful, though... very emotional.