The cave

by mo3taz   Apr 30, 2012


Mysterious and scary from the outside
Wondering what is inside
voices and loud screams
How scary they seem

Who would dare to enter the cave
Unless he knows that it's just an illusion
And he defiantly knows he will come out safe
And no one would make substitution

The first step into the cave, the beginning of the story
With the first step he cannot see but the dark
All things are the same , the ugliness is glory
Afraid but no reason to be in such ark.

The second step into the cave, here the light appears
To distinguish which is a thing and not
And hardly see the road, the end is near
Although he still can't distinguish what is cold and hot

The third step in the cave, here the light so clear
That he can see and feel things and choose
His mind and his heart know everything, like they appear
Now he can win or to lose

The last step in the cave, the last stage
Letting space for another one to put his first step
And flashes away with or without rage
With a rage or not it all depend on his chose in the third step.

All the steps and the stages were stages of his life
And the cave is the real life
A life within a life
Till the end of the story of the cave

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by Burning Angel

    I thought this had great meaning in it :) I loved it

  • 12 years ago

    by White Orchid

    I liked this as well the idea of describing life and how at times it can be scary with a cave. I thought it was very clever and yes I agree with moonlit candles if you just nake those small changes it will be flawless. :)

  • 12 years ago

    by mo3taz

    Thank you for the advice Moonlight i'm not a prof and i'm a new student of English literature, thanks for telling my mistakes.

  • 12 years ago

    by Kate

    I enjoyed this... Life always seems scary. You start out life in the dark, not knowing where you are going to go. You find a steady job, place to live and you see the light. Finally everything seems to fall into place and fit perfectly. Fully exposed in the light. The next decision is the one that puts you back into the dark or keeps you in the light... Very well written :)

  • 12 years ago

    by Moonlit Candles

    I thought this was a great poem. It was really neat with the description of the cave. Only a few pointers. When rhyming watch for how many syllables you're using to rhyme with. You could have maybe 6 on one line, but then 11 on another. When that happens it makes the words seem forced. For instance:

    Who would dare to enter the cave
    Unless he knows that it's just an illusion
    And he defiantly knows he will come out safe from the cave
    And no one would make substitution

    You could actually just take out " from the cave". It will still rhyme and the syllables will flow better. And the only other thing I saw is just a misspelled word. You said defiantly. It is spelled definitely. Other than that great write. :)

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