Comments : Inspiration (My 1st Nonet)

  • 12 years ago

    by La Reina De Corazones

    Nice it's very filled with imagery grl! :) and i love it im a cutter so yeah lol but either way very good

  • 12 years ago

    by Hollow Face

    Very good. I can feel the emotion pour out of this. It's simple and short yet powerful for those who understand your pain. Good work.
    5/5
    ~Kitty

  • 12 years ago

    by Xanthe

    "And torturous enemies deceive."
    ---This is the third line, so it must have a syllable count of seven. I suggest you remove 'and' most of the time, it only weakens a poem when not used properly. And you need to eradicate one more syllable, perhaps a different synonym for deceive?
    "Over Powering my mind,"
    ---overpowering is one word.
    "With negative thoughts.
    With knives cutting"
    ---I like this, but the repetition of 'with' puts it off.
    "My wrist bleed
    Scarlet
    Flows"
    ---'bleed' and 'flow' kind of gives the same image. Bleed flows and flows bleed. Perhaps change the picture a bit.
    Overall, for your first nonet, it's well-written. I like this. Keep it up :)
    -X

  • 12 years ago

    by Lofallenve

    I'm in agreement with Xanthe.
    The emotion in this one is strong and amazing.
    You are truly a great writer!
    5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Wow, good job, you done a great first attempt.