Indefunqulability

Sometimes i like to sit and stare,
sometimes at nothing,
sometimes at walls.

occasionally i stare deep down,
into cracks in my character,
in those nooks,
down into crannies,

And way down,
In the furthest benundlowneather,
downend floorsome,
layerdly flownthernest,
farther inside than the wrappedest plush down insulation of sense of self,
carried farther away from the norm,
than anyone else can ever attempt to deconstruct.

the things we keep for ourselves.
the lies that would be lies if anyone else knew about them.
the place we keep secrets that really are secrets we keep.
not the ones we tell so and so,
not the ones we say, "you can never tell anyone,"
but the secret secrets.

you can see things in you no mirror can tell you are ugly,
you can smell funks about yourself no deoderant can make you love again,
you can hear songs no small violin could ever weep for,
you can watch all the bullshit too hot for tv.

sometimes i like to be judgmental,
sometimes about you,
sometimes about myself.

but when i stare deep down,
into cracks in my character,
the words never come out right
and im never sure what i know is bullshit.