This is
hmm AMAZING
I love this
first of all i tell u i can sense rhyme in your poem
which make it flowing so smooth but in some parts i felt like you forced it( maybe it is just me)
the word choice was perfectly fitting
you had a very good start stanza so as the ending stanza too
it made your poem even better
Over all this is a well written piece
5/5 keep writing =)

Ahh.. Let me tell you:
this piece was close to winning. The message is just beautiful and impacting. Your word choice made it effective. But I considered all possible sides and angles. Perhaps what didn't let this win is, as I've said, a tad lack of emotion. And maybe the simple title added to that factor as well.
Err.. You made it really hard for me. But this is a winning piece. Amazing job. Keep it up
-X