Comments : He breathes fire

  • 12 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    WOW

    The creativity of this piece is absolutely fabulous, The fact that the wording is so simple, really stands out but this poem is so strong...

    WOW I can't speak...It was a poem that made me feel like someone had hurt you, someone was so wrong to you, someone you loved...

    Thats such a meaningful way of wording this piece.

  • 12 years ago

    by nouriguess

    Loved it all but the second 'melt' ruined the flow, in my opinion! I love how you used words that are related to fire or hotness, like 'boiling', 'scalds' and 'scorches'. They all flowed so well.

    'A single embrace embarks a blistery journey
    of smoke steaming up the entire room'
    ^
    I loved this part. A love poem by all means! I know always fire is used to describe love, but you just added something original into this. I liked it, really. Loved the soft alliteration as well. And the word choice was clever.

    Happy you posted something new! : D

  • 12 years ago

    by Lioness

    This poem is on heat!!! I loved it.

    The images are awesome. It made my skin heat up thinking about it. I feel the passion in your words it's amazing.

    I love what you have done with this piece.

    x

  • 12 years ago

    by Autuumnbree

    Very intense and sensual at the same time I like it, my favorite stranz is

    "As if my insides were made of plastic
    you melt bones with your flaming touch
    Melting off my clothes, leaving me in nothing but the presence of your warm body"

    Good write

  • 12 years ago

    by Xanthe

    A really intense write. The imagery is vivid and well thought out. The word choice is simple but this burns with passion.
    The only advice I can think of right now is use of punctuation. It helps with the flow and coherence of the piece.
    Right now, it reads as a long run-on sentence. But it wasn't that hard to understand ;)
    Great job Keep writing
    -X

  • 12 years ago

    by Kitty Kurse

    Very creative I must say I really liked it:)