Des-construction

by Karla   May 17, 2012


Des-construction

Here melancholy and nostalgia dwell amongst clouds and tomorrows.
I sit behind myself to see my shadows, thinking about stained hearts,
dirty notebooks and the supremacy of the flowers when nothing
is supreme.

Two yesterdays ago I allowed myself to be more than my self,
tearing my insides out inconsistently but with some bravery.
What a sunless woman I am! I was befriended by a tornado
and I have learnt the ways of the wind and of the rain when
dealing with people and problems.
(...)

Parts of me are fragmented, my Thursday is already fractured today.
There is not much to be expected from a woman like me.
Maybe if I meditated more, I could be lighter.
My force is telluric, I was born in the south of hope.

Nothing waits for me. Just my heart but sometimes it leaves me
without my poor consent:
It is always a tragic experience to find I make no sense to myself.
But should I make any sense when nobody shows respect to my sensibilities?

I am the other.
But the other has identity, he is singular, unique, he is himself
although alterity might be a long word to swallow and devour.
We all talk about identity, otherness and bla-bla-bla but when
it comes to understanding, we all are faceless, numb zombies
swimming across an ocean of metaphors and adulterated images.

It is always I, I, I.
It is tiring and frightening this I.
I capitalize the pronoun but deep inside it is written with a small letter.
Someday I might overflow the limitations contained in my grammar
and lexicon and I will be bigger than my eyes can see or your dreams are.
Meanwhile, I will assume that you can construct my identity.
But don't feel comfortable: I am looking for alternatives.

Karla Bardanza
http://asmoonsewsthestainstars.blogspot.com
http://skycladatmidnight.tumblr.com
http://embracingthegoddessforever.tumblr.com
http://embracingthegoddessforever.blogspot.com

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by Xanthe

    I knew there was something I was forgetting. Thought I commented on this one already. I'm re-reading it again today and it still has these parts where I still get goosebumps and I'm left in awe..

    'Here melancholy and nostalgia dwell
    amongst clouds and tomorrows.'
    ^The imagery that always comes to my mind when I read this is: a dark sky with heavy clouds. It's just so beautiful. Also, beginning this with 'here' made it a little obscure but it added a sort of mysterious atmosphere.

    'I sit behind myself to see my shadows,
    thinking about stained hearts,
    dirty notebooks and the supremacy of the
    flowers when nothing
    is supreme.'
    ^ :O I can't even describe how I LOVE this part. The imagery is... o,o
    The language you use is so crisp and so poetic. Beautiful

    'Two yesterdays ago I allowed myself to be
    more than my self,
    tearing my insides out inconsistently but
    with some bravery.'
    ^There will always be a constant 'search' of finding/discovering ourselves. Yes, it takes courage to even try to look for ourselves, because, what if we don't like who/what we find in us?

    'What a sunless woman I am! I was
    befriended by a tornado
    and I have learnt the ways of the wind and
    of the rain when
    dealing with people and problems.'
    ^I interpreted this as: a heartless woman; the sun, being her heart, of course, but she believes she has none. The 'tornado' may be her 'lover', and the 'wind and rain' may be things about her lover. But in the end, a tornado only brings destruction, no matter how 'beautiful' they are - to look at.

    I really like how you divided this piece. The first part being: evocative and showing; while the second part was more on telling, but it was still so powerful.
    I won't continue to quote the second part for it already is, as I've said, telling and it's more straightforward, but it really blew me away! Though the tornado wasn't repeated again in the second part, I could still see its importance as a metaphor for the whole piece.
    I remember nominating this a couple of weeks ago, and I'm still totally baffled and surprised this did not win...
    It is a winner in my book :)
    Amazing piece. Keep writing!
    -X

    Hm, and why aren't you in my favorite list? I need to get organized -.-

  • 12 years ago

    by L

    Karla,

    You left me speechless
    this one was a really good read, I enjoy it so much.

    "We all talk about identity, otherness and bla-bla-bla but when
    it comes to understanding, we all are faceless, numb zombies
    swimming across an ocean of metaphors and adulterated images."

    I love your poems, when I read them I feel your voice in them.

  • 12 years ago

    by Lioness

    Awesome, Awesome. I love it.

    I love the words "befriended by a tornado " oh what an image that is!!!

    x

  • 12 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    This is brilliant! i love it! 5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Ole Carsten

    Love your poems even you want to have a special name
    this one is touching me hard

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