All That She Wrote

Dated 6/2005

It would be a horrible day for this family of four
They realized the reality of what was happening as they walked out the door
This day will never be forgotten, as being put down into history
Too bad the cause of death is still just a mystery
It was a cold, dreary morning in the winter of '65
The only thing they asked was for their baby girl to still be alive
But all their many wishes could not be fulfilled on this day
For they know now that all their hopes and dreams will now fade away
Her name was engraved on a pretty little stone
In a grassy little area of the cemetery of her very own
Her family and friends were all gathered around
Everyone stood in silence careful not to make any sound
Grieving and weeping was all that you could hear
Having an emotional breakdown was the biggest fear
Everywhere that you looked in this sorrowful place
You could see the pain on every person's tear streaked face
They had found her in a pool of blood with a knife in her hand
Her last wish was only that everyone would be able to understand
To accept her answers of why she did what she did-
Why she chose to end her life when she was still just a kid
Next to her body they found a hand written note
Before this day, no has read what she had wrote
And hopefully what it says will lend a helping hand
In letting people know the truth, and being able to understand
Her mother stood silent as a tear rolled down her cheek
Before she read the letter out loud, she couldn't help but get a quick peek
As she stood with her hands trembling she began to read
And as the words came out her heart began to bleed
As the people listened, the little girl's voice they could hear
Joining in with her mother's as if showing she was still near:

"Dear Mom and Dad, my Brother and Friends
I'm so sorry to admit that my life has now come to an end
But please do not be sad, for now I am in such a better place
And I know that you still love me, and will never forget my face
I know this whole situation must be so hard for you to understand
But you have to know as well that I found it hard to find a helping hand
You see everyone, I was going through such a hard time
I acted like my life was so great, but really, nothing was fine
I was having so much trouble inside of school
I didn't have a lot of friends, I felt like such a fool
I was having some problems at home as well
Having parents that always fight is really hard if you haven't yet been able to tell
The friends that I did have seemed to never be there
And the ones that were there half of the time really didn't care
My home life was hard, it was like living in hell
I probably would've been happier locked up in a jail cell
My boyfriend and I broke up, I bet you didn't know
I would've told you guys, but I didn't want to admit to sinking to an all time low
My grades in school were beginning to slip
I knew if you found out then you'd surely flip
Even the poems I was writing were beginning to get pretty sad
None of them made much sense, they had gotten so bad
My friends on the internet abandoned me again
I thought maybe if I pulled this stunt then I could finally win
I figured that if I thought about it, there wasn't much left to live for
I found out it would be easier just to give up and walk out the door
I'm sorry that you had to find me in the way that you did
I guess it would've been less painful for the evidence to be hid
But I guess it's too late to worry about that now
My death should only bring up the question of why and not how
Mommy, you were always there for me
And you always let me be anything I wanted to be
Daddy, you were always so sure of yourself, like I didn't even matter
But maybe you'll care now when my ashes you will scatter
Big brother of mine, you were always so strong
So in honor of your baby sister, you have to promise me to live long
My friends, you were always so very great
Too bad to see you all again I'll have to wait
But I guess that's what I get for the things that I've done
I finally feel like I've gotten somewhere, and that I have finally won
I'm much happier now, in this place that I'm at
When I got up to Heaven's gates there was a welcome mat
I've talked to God maybe once or twice
He's such a cool guy, and so very nice
But I guess you really do not want to hear about that
Give the dog a hug for me, and don't forget to feed the cat
Always remember that I'm still thinking of you all
And I will still be there to catch you when you fall
Please try not to hurt too much when you have to say goodbye
And please do not mourn for me too much when you admit that I have died
I know that it might be hard to go on without me in your lives
But remember that up in heaven, for you guys I still strive
Mommy, you need to stay strong, I'll always be there
To help you along your way, when you feel like no one else will care
Dad, you need to change your ways and finally understand
That now I am gone you will have to lend a bigger helping hand
Big brother of mine, keep mommy straight in her place
And in your mind remember to keep the memory of my face
These will now be my very last few words
But now you know the truth, and now you have heard
The truth of why I had to end my life
And why I gave into all the pain and strife
But like I have said, I'm so much happier now
I don't know why, so don't wonder how
But just know that I'm still here
In every single rain drop, and every little tear
Hoping the very best for you all
And hoping that unlike me, that you will never fall
Because before I can come and save you from your fate
It might be the end, and it might be too late
So now this is all I have left to say
I know today must be such a very hard day
But your lives will go on, as will mine
Soon it won't hurt so much, and soon it will be fine
Just keep my memory alive, and never let go
And I promise that my love for you I will always show
So Mom, Dad, Big Brother and friends
I now say goodbye- this is the very end"

Hand written words made up that little note
That's all that was read- and that's all that she wrote

Her mother broke down into a regretful lump
She hit the earth hard with a little thump
Someone ran to comfort her, and through all her tears
She recalled the memories of all of those years
As they started lowering the casket into the ground
People stared in silence and didn't make a sound
As the minister began his sermon that he had prepared
The world turned dark and cold, and no one seemed to care
As the minister continued on, her voice was heard once again
Her words were familiar because they once had already been
As the minister preached, she intertwined her words with his
It was hard to make out, but sounded something like this:

"But just know that I'm still here
In every single rain drop, and every little tear
Hoping the very best for you all
And hoping that unlike me, that you will never fall
Because before I can come and save you from your fate
It might be the end, and it might be too late
So now this is all I have left to say
I know today must be such a very hard day
But your lives will go on, as will mine
Soon it won't hurt so much, and soon it will be fine
Just keep my memory alive, and never let go
And I promise that my love for you I will always show
So Mom, Dad, Big Brother and friends
I now say goodbye- this is the very end"

Hand written words made up that little note
That's all that was read- and that's all that she wrote