I could not tell you what's going on with me right now,
But I sure wish you were here.
It might help the situation a little,
At least I am not alone all the time.
At least when they ignore me,
You were there to not ignore me.
I have no one to count on.
No one to be friends with.
I am alone, as lonely as I have ever been in my life.
I wish I can tell you the situation,
You would not be on my side,
But you would not abandon me.
Like all of them have.
I come home, hoping someone would want to talk to me.
But when they see me, I am the Devil Woman. RUN FROM HER!!
Do not associate with her, whatever she says is unworthy for us to hear.
What the hell am I to you? Am I just your dog?
I thought we were friends?! After all this years we've been friends,
This is how quickly you've decided to up and abandon me.
This phrase have been circling around my mind,
If I was dead would anybody care?
My family would mourn over my death,
But my friends or should I say so call friends,
Might mourn but I am not too confident with that.
I would guess that, maybe they would say "oh how sad for her to die"...
And then happy the next day as if like those years of hanging out together, sharing secrets, sharing each others pain,
Meant nothing to them because they have a new replacement.
A new replacement where she is hard working,
She is greater than me,
So she can be pushed around.
I am so tired!! I want to take a break from all of these.
Its like all this issues just slap me in my face at the same time.
It felt as if it is like having 50 palms slapping on my face at one time.
Imagine having 50 problems and they all just drop on you at the same time.
All I can do is try to put a smile on my face,
Try to talk even if my words are just soundless words to your ears.
As I come home every day with a heavy heart,
As every night I crying myself to sleep.
I worry if my time has come to up and leave them,
Would my life be better there?
I don't know, but I hope it does.
The thing they say is to confront your issues with the people who are bothering you.
But in this situation I can't win.
I can't even talk senselessly to these people.
I will be the crazy person. And everything will be weirder.
They then start to show it even obviously and for sure to ignore me.
My mother told me to hold it in,
If you don't,
Then you have gave them satisfaction where you suffer as they laugh at you for all you're suffering.
I wish I can but I am on the verge of breaking.
I am cracking, it is starting to show.
I end this night with tears flowing down my face.
Where I hope this week, next week, a month from now and the months to come,
That things would not be so bad.
They are nonetheless bad but make is lesser for me.
