:D

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

----

I'll leave a better comment later. Thanks so much, Mery! Again, one of the best poems ever written (except that part which said 'Max' lol kidding)
Thank you. I love it. Going to my favorites. Five. I will be back!!
-Xanthe

As I stroke my pen,
molded in the mind
those all I whim;
vexed to disgorge
from my thoughts,
the words I wanted to hold.

---uhmm, I had a hard time understanding the " molded in the mind those all I whim" I think that that line needs to be revised and accommodate the words so that it makes sense and also so that it could flow a little better when we read them.
I'm not sure how to used the noun whim.. But I will give it a try and if it's not correct, I'm sure Xanthe will advice us... haha.

and also I think you are trying to use "vexed" as a verb but disgorge is the verb in this situation .. So I'm having a hard time assimilating those words...

Vexed means to become annoyed, frustrated or worried.
disgorge means to pour out

So if we used the verb disgorge then we can use the Adverb vexedly.
This is how I reword this stanza, I hope I didn't change the meaning.

As I stroke my pen,
I molded in my mind
all of those who have whim;
I wanted to vexedly disgorged
the thoughts I have held.

Yet, some words I used,
was so abstruse;
grammar was my decrepitude,
all by myself admitted to you
I grabbed some words to make it flow.

---- Then on the following stanza "was so abstruse", it should be "were" instead of "was" since you are referring to the plural of word..
Also I feel that you are concern with fillers but you should know that there are some fillers that are needed to make the flow of the poem a lot better.
For instance, grammar was my decrepitude, I think if you say my grammar was my decrepitude, that it would sound better. But I don't know if you want to use decrepitude since to me that sounds like it's worn out due to time and to me you are pretty young. But anywho, perhaps you are using it as my grammar has been my ruin .. This is how I rewrote the stanza. I also hope that I didn't change the meaning.

Yet, some words I have used
were so abstruse;
my grammar has been my decrepitude,
I admitted to you
that I have grabbed some words to make it flow.

Another thing was very hard
to put the correct punctuation mark.
But, thanks to Ms. Xanthe
for the gratuities;and
sharing her brilliant prowess.

---- I think gratuities is the money given in return for services... I don't think that fits the context of this poem but perhaps you can find a better word?
perhaps largesse... it means generosity as in giving money or gifts.. I think that would fit it better. Also I think you want to say I thank Ms. Xanthe because if you say thanks to Ms. Xanthe then you are missing some info, in my opinion.
I rewrote the stanza, I hope I didn't change the meaning on this one either.

Another thing that was very hard for me
was to put the correct punctuation marks,
But I thank Ms. Xanthe
for her largesse and her brilliant prowess

---- in The other last two stanzas, I found them ok so I left them as they are. :)

-----------------------------------------------------------

And this is my recommendation:
As usual if you like any of the suggestions feel free to use them.
Just one thing that I always do when I write my poems, I check the dictionary if I'm using a word correctly by that I mean if I'm using a word as a verb, adjective or adverb.. etc.

I'm not sure if my suggestions are grammatically correct because you are using some words that I don't know, but either or, I enjoy this amazing poem you have written for Xanthe and Max. Keep it up. :)

As I stroke my pen,
I molded in my mind
all of those who have whim;
I wanted to vexedly disgorged
the thoughts I have held.

Yet, some words I have used
were so abstruse;
my grammar has been my decrepitude,
I admitted to you
that I have grabbed some words to make it flow.

Another thing that was very hard for me
was to put the correct punctuation marks,
But I thank Ms. Xanthe
for her largesse and her brilliant prowess

She imbibed lucidity,
to my denatured way of writing;
her rhetoric words have inspired me,
so I wrote with avidity this poem

Ms. Xanthe is like Sappho,
the Greek poet and historians
Mr. Max is like Pythagoras,
the Greek philosopher and mathematician.
Well, both of them
are my very closest friend,
who taught me more about poetry.
Now, as you see?
My words written like malmsey.
Yet, before my words become cloudy,
I will end here this archetype story...

"But I will give it a try and if it's not correct, I'm sure Xanthe will advice us"
^^
Luce, haha

---

When I first read this, I didn't want it to be 'touched', edited or revised in any way because I can really see the effort and raw emotion put in this piece. However, my opinion is swayed by Luce's comment, this would read better with a few tweaks, so I'll try to give some good advice which would polish this poem:

"As I stroke my pen,
molded in my mind
the fancies I have whim;
were vexedly disgorge
from my thoughts,
the words I wanted to wrote."

I can't seem to grasp what you were saying here. 'Stroke' a pen? I suggest you replace 'stroke' with a more fitting verb. Stroke connotes a soft/gentle touch, like when you touch a cat or someone's cheek. I don't think it fits with a pen.
A pronoun before 'molded' would make it easier to understand.
'the fancies I have whim' didn't make much sense. I suggest you replace it with Luce's suggestion.
As for the semi-colon here, it was unneeded, so I suggest you remove it. Fancies=whim both have the same meaning as nouns. Let me rephrase:
"As I [choose a diff. verb] my pen,
I molded in my mind
the thoughts I desire;
vexedly disgorged-
the words I wanted to write"
--that's how you use a hyphen here to avoid filler words. As for fancies and whim, I feel they are unneeded, just a suggestion though. It's your poem; your call ;)

"Yet, some words I used,
were so abstruse."

I love the subtle rhyme here. And I can't help but agree; the words you use are complex and sometimes it doesn't make sense. Don't focus on the 'beauty' of the words, focus rather on the 'message' the words give the reader. I'll echo what Luce said: use a dictionary; use words you understand; find a sentence with that word and study how they are used. Don't just insert them here and there just because they have the same synonym as the word you wanted to use. Especially with verbs.
For example: cry
When you say, I saw the girl cry---it means weeping. But if you search for its synonym, beseech for example, it means cry/proclaim. It's different.. That's what happens in your poems. Be careful with word choice.

"My grammar was my decrepitude;
I humbly admitted to you
I have grabbed some words
to make it flow."

Eradicate 'my'. Decrepitude--decrepit would better fit here. Admitted should be admit. 'Grabbed' is not a poetic word, and it connotes aggressiveness, I think you should change it.

"Another thing was very hard for me
was to put the correct punctuation marks."

Too long. Too many filler word, such as the repetition of 'was', and writing 'thing' is a no-no in poetry. It's too obscure, expand on that 'thing'.

"But, thanks to Ms. Xanthe
for the humble sallies;and
sharing the brilliant prowess."

Well... now here comes the good part lol. kidding^^
I laughed at first read. I'm rarely called 'miss' I have to say, this was rather a surprise,
'Sallies'? I don't know what that means. What I translate is 'advice'..? 'Her' instead of 'the' would make it more coherent.

"She imbibed the lucidity,
to my denatured writing way;
her rhetoric words inspired me."

'imbibed' was nice here. The comma after lucidity disrupted the flow; remove it. Also 'the' before lucidity should be eradicated. 'Denatured' is harsh, compared to the other words. Make them connect. 'Rhetoric'?! Are you saying I'm bossy? Grr.. I know you might not mean that but rhetoric=braggart=grandiloquent
:(

"So, I wrote this poem with avidity."

I know eagerness is a synonym of avidity, but that eagerness is empowered by greediness. Choose your words carefully.

"Ms. Xanthe is like Sappho,
the Greek poet and historian;as"

Probably one of the best compliment I've rver received, and I feel unworthy lol. Thanks :)
Though the semicolon is unneeded.

"Mr. Max is like Pythagoras,
the Greek philosopher and mathematician."

I wasn't expecting Max to be mentioned here too lol. But let me advice you not to add 'definitions' in a poem. Make the reader think. So I suggest you remove the parts which say who those people are.
It's like saying:
"She was like a rose,
the red flower"
--this is not poetry..

"Well, both of them
are my very closest friend,
who taught me more about poetry."

Remove 'very' because 'closest' is already a superlative.
This is the sweetest part of the poem. You're also one of my closest friends here, Mery <3
(See? i don't usually type hearts but i did it for you haha)

"Now, as you see?
My words written like malmsey.
Yet, before my words become cloudy,
I will end here this archetype story..."

Ooh.. a lot of Greek in this piece. I love malmsey haha. But let me rephrase this:

"Now you see?
My words are written
sweeter than malmsey,
so before my words
turn cloudy, let me
end this archetype."

I love the 'cloudy' part. It's like saying you have to stop before you get drunk because of the wine lol.
Overall i love this (except for the rhetoric ): and the part with Max lol just kidding) Again, thank you Mery.

-Xanthe

Haha... Yeah, that was a lovely comment and poem as well. It's worth the read. ;)

She even wrote you a heart, she doesn't do that. T_T
So much love.

<3

Ta-da!!
A heart for you, Lucero :D
Do you want me to PM it to you?
...
Sorry, Mery, I'm flooding your comments haha

Haha, sorry merry,

I'm just being goofy, I won't flood your poem. By the way, I like the improvement on your poem.

And xanthe lol
I'm so happy to have such a good friends.
I'm off to sleep, good night everyone who reads this comment.

Great job!

Great friendship poem, I loved it 5/5

Isn't that sweet, what a nice way letting
them know how much they are appreciated

Well as I came late and every thing about this poem has already been said I will just thank you for these sweet words
This was so nice from you =P
You are one of my closest friends here too =)
and for learning poetry part
Well maybe Xanthe but me not so sure lol

Lol such a beautiful dedication, quite humorous and actually well written...xanthe and her advice is aweosme...makes us better writers when we accept critiques. Loved this!

This is so kul,,it is like telling a short story of yourself

So Cute <3
I loved it!
5/5

Such a wonderful way to show how much you appreciate their help and friendship... great job. :) 5/5

Great way to show your appreciation ;)

5/5

Great job crishmerl. Another passionate poetry you'd written. 5/5