Young MC

by Thomas   May 22, 2012


You're only 20 years old
You're still an infant
But your story is already told
It's totally insignificant

You talk about stabbings and popping caps
Make it sound like you're a big shot
But I only hear uncertainty in your raps
It's not bodies but your emotions that rot

The past is probably filled with fear and hate
Which you try to change in money and fame
That's why you try to mate
With so many women so they seem all the same

But this clearly shows your lack of childhood affection
Instead you filled up on hate and drugs
Your body clearly lacked the antibodies to battle that foul infection
I recommend a treatment of affection and hugs

Just stop all this fronting and posing
Get some sleep and take a nap
You're not a winner cause you were always losing
Seriously you're a disgrace to hip-hop and rap!

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by Xanthe

    I usually shy away from the slang section of this site lol. But I have to say this was pretty good. Perhaps with a certain 'beat' this would turn into a great rap/song.
    As a poem, it had some forced rhyme, especially with the first stanza:

    "You're only 20 years old
    You're still an infant
    But your story is already told
    It's totally insignificant"

    Let me just explain why it is a forced rhyme. It's not just the syllable count, but also the message, which was nonsensical. 'Only 20 years old but still an infant'??? As a poem, it is easily laughable (no offense), but as lyrics and a rap at that, I guess it's okay (?) As I've said, I don't usually read slang poetry or listen to rap or write them. So it is not my position to critique. But in my humble opinion, I think this pretty good. Keep writing
    -X

    • 12 years ago

      by Thomas

      Thanks for the constructive criticism :)

      The first stanza was just express my annoyance with some people who think they know everything but are still at a child's level.

      When someone is 20 it's just a short period in his life + most of the time the person was not conscious of his environment.

  • 12 years ago

    by Yrem Crish

    I like the rhyming words. It's like a lyrical poem because as I read this piece I feel like I'm reading the hip-hop/rap song. Hahaha! Well, the flow is nice too and the rhythm is great. Amazing piece. Keep writing:))
    5/5
    ~C

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