When i was with you,
it was like i couldn't be myself,
like being myself was never good enough,
because you always wanted me to dress and behave a certain way,
and i would dress and behave like that,
because you wanted me to,
but it meant i wasn't being myself,
i realise now that being with you was toxic,
toxic for me anyway,
i always needed and wanted your approval,
and because of that i seemed to be suffocating,
in a way that i can only express as toxic,
as though i couldn't breathe with out you,
like i couldn't function for myself,
the only opinion that mattered to me was yours,
and not knowing what you thought scared me inside,
like if i didn't have your approval i was scared i would lose you,
i always had to be who i thought you wanted me to be,
i always had to be perfect,
because that seemed to be what you expected of me,
and i was so scared of letting you down,
but i knew inside i couldn't live up to those expectations,
no body can,
but now that things are over,
and the sickness the toxicity seemed to have over me is gone,
i can see clearly what the problem was,
i don't need you like that anymore,
i can breathe on my own again,
being with you seemed to be killing me piece by piece,
being with you was never good for me,
not emotionally,
i was emotionally drained for such a long period of time,
being someone i wasn't seemed to want to suck the life out of me,
your a good person,
you didn't realise what it was like for me,
and i could never explain it,
but this is my best shot so far,
it was obsession,
i had to please you,
i had to be what you wanted,
and somewhere along the line i lost myself,
but it wasn't your fault,
i'd been hurt so much,
that i was too afraid to be myself,
because i figured no one would ever want me as me,
and i didn't think you would either,
im sorry i didn't believe in you more,
or trust you like i should of,
everything has worked out for the best,
and i will hopefully never make the same mistakes
