Comments : Captive Heart

  • 12 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    I love this, very well written. 5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Yrem Crish

    "I am held captive
    by the very dreams
    that taunt my sleep."

    --I like the imagery here. I'm just wondering what about the specific dream here that bother your sleep?

    "My caged heart
    lingering for the real thing
    as I crave and yearn
    a desiring touch."

    --I like the way you used "caged heart" but a little confused about the things lingering the persona--hmm, it's about the desiring touch? I like the way you put something suspense in this part, lol. Great.

    "I'm lost in a disguise
    of movies and books
    that behold fantasies."

    --This part is straightforward, the simplicity of words made the readers know what the persona tells about. Maybe, it's better to remove "a" in the first line to read the flow better.

    "My dreams unmask
    the desires of my heart
    that have been bound."

    Silenced!
    through the fabric of time.

    --Good imagery.

    Can my dreams
    be the very fantasies seen,
    can they become the real thing?

    Life as we know it
    can not be that kind
    but with faith...

    With faith and time
    we'll find a way.

    --Good ending part. Enjoyable piece. Greatly done. Keep writing more:))
    5/5
    ~C

  • 12 years ago

    by average thoughts

    Silenced!
    through the fabric of time..

    Wow..loved it