by Silent Girl
Very sad poem 5/5 |
by Xanthe
I want to leave a long comment, but I don't have much time right now. This is a sad but beautiful piece. |
by Xanthe
This piece is heart-breaking, and the transition with tone and events was smooth. With respect to change, I thought there was a little struggle with the prepositions, and they could easily be fixed to make this read better. An example is this line: |
by Tyler Moore
I changed the preposition you mentioned to "by" and i also changed the last word in the third stanza from "okay" to "alright" to take way the unintentional rhyme. I really appreciate the feedback; besides my younger sister, I've never really shared my poetry with anyone, besides registering with this site recently, so it's nice to have a critical review. Let me know if you have any other suggestions. If you also wouldn't mind looking at "Father and Son". I've had a lot of trouble with the line "God forgive him for my death". I feel like it doesn't flow. Thanks for the consideration and help, and everyone else I appreciate your positive feedback! |
by Cara
I cried wen I Read this this the first time I ever cried from a Poem in my whole life :[ |