Lifes pages

by Amanda   May 29, 2012


My life is a page i'm always trying to fill,
Like a deck of cards im always trying to deal,
Its like a virgins first time
or a big rap artist always trying to rhyme
My like is so crazy like a physcward ,
Like i'm walking alone a diving board
about to jump into the ocean full of odd creature
but the good thing is my mistakes are my teachers,
So don't waist your life getting drunk and high if oppurtunity knocks dont let it walk by.

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  • 12 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    "My life is a page i'm always trying to fill,
    Like a deck of cards im always trying to deal,"

    -the I in "I'm" should be capitalized. I think it would also sound better if you didn't put "Like" in there. I think "My life is a page I'm always trying to fill, a deck of cards I'm always trying to deal."

    "My like is so crazy like a physcward ,
    Like i'm walking alone a diving board
    about to jump into the ocean full of odd creature"

    - it should say "My life" instead of like..and it's *psych ward. Again I think it would sound better if the "Like" wasn't there. "I'm walking *along a diving board, about to jump into the ocean full of odd *creatures"

    other than those few errors, it's a good piece. keep writing :)