Bleed

I wish i could just take all the pain away
that eats me alive almost every day
and inside i feel like I'm the one to blame
it just feels like everyone forgot my name
and i just want to go back to happier times
when I had friends and a family and I knew who I was
and I'm only telling this to you because

Something inside is not right today
I'm just looking for another way
to replay the things you say
will i ever be Okay?

this depression has lasted so long
and i dont know where it comes from
and sometimes i feel like you were wrong
because your words made me feel so numb

I tried to be a poet, a writer, I lost
and haven't been able to pay off the cost
for every action I made without thought in my heart
I even remember the day it all fell apart
see i never had much of a family
just beatings and hurtful words to crush my self esteem
and if I were to die here tonight, Just remember this was all a dream
this empty black road i now walk on
reminds me of just how far gone
I pretended to be
another version of me
walking down my high school halls
and i still remember every phone call
the ones where you just hung up and laughed
but please dont be so quick to
put me and you in the past

I cant tell you how much I hurt too
Just want all the pain to go away
feels like for the last six years my heart is so black
can i ever come back
from the other side of suicide
and give you everything i have to hide
i just want to go back to the days
when we had promised each other always
when you looked at me my fragile smile began to crawl behind the pile of rotting dreams
ripping me apart at the seams
I dont know how much longer i can carry this
just want to find a way to bury this
inside the fire, my last desire
to be right next to you
and i know now what i gotta do
put a bullet in this cage of mine
and maybe ill outrun the hands of time
but until then
when we meet again
Ill just sit here and bleed