Cut

Being alone, and thinking that no one is there for you is the worst feeling that could ever encompass a human being. When life is so bad that you have to turn to mutilation of the most sacred and precious thing that God above gave you. Drinking, drugs, cutting, burning, mental or physical abuse from others. No one should have to deal with that. It is your life, the only one you have. How could you possibly throw that all away? How could you look at yourself in the mirror and think to yourself "I am the ugliest, most worthless unimportant person that ever walked this earth?" Its easy actually, I was there. When you surround yourself with happy worthwhile people who compliment you and enjoy your company, you have an attitude as though life is important and these people want me in it, but when you associate yourself with those that don't care about their health and life and start getting caught up in their world of self loathing and hatred, you being to slowly believe that your life isn't worth much, and you begin to not respect others lives as well. I was there. I smoked. I did cocaine. I took a safety pin and slowly carved long lines of hate into my arm, and I didn't stop until the life blood the Lord above gave to me came pouring out. I hated myself, and I took chances and did things I wouldn't have ever done before in an attempt to somehow show the world that I was in control of my life. I was sent to a mental hospital only to come out hating myself even more. But no one knew. I wore long sleeves to cover the new scars, and I made sure I didn't cut before a track meet. It wasn't until I arrived at college in 2003 that I found out that my life was important, and to complete strangers. I ran cross country and my roommate Amy lost her friend to suicide. She was devastated and she turned to the team. I knew then that the girls I was surrounded by genuinely cared for each other. I promised myself that day that I wouldn't ever go that far. I found Zack, he fell in love with me that day and he loved me so much and so true that I knew I needed to stop cutting. I promised him and I haven't hurt myself since. Life is hard trust me, but when you finally see that even complete strangers would miss you if you were gone, your life importance finally come painfully clear. When your best friend writes you a letter in a bright pink envelope just to make you call her and tell her she is certifiably insane, you know that its not that bad and to that one person, your life is worth living.

Live life to the fullest, for the future is scarce.